


Adam's Hands' Less Than Epic Adventures

by lisachan



Series: Leoverse [81]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 22:08:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1404244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisachan/pseuds/lisachan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine has been Leo's boyfriend for three years and a half, but they broke up. Their break up was ugly enough to let Blaine think he'd have nothing to do with the kid or his friends again for the rest of his life, but one sunday morning somebody knocks at his door and it's Adam, Leo's former best friend, now promoted boyfriend, with a favor to ask and in serious need of help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1. “What the hell are you doing here?”

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING:** This story is a **what if** from the original 'verse. In the canon course of events that followed the beginning of Broken Heart Syndrome, **this has never happened**.  
>  This is also part of a doomed timeline, which would be one of those AU/What Ifs in which Leo and Blaine have been together, if only briefly, but ultimately end up apart.  
> And this is the Blaine/Adam Apocalypse I promised.

Blaine’s break up with Leo has been ugly enough not to make him want to see the kid ever again. It’s not that he holds grudges against him, more like the fact that, when they actually broke up, it came after months (and months) (and months) of stalling and waiting and sulking and moping and regretting and a lot of other unpleasant words all ending in _-ing_. Sure, he remembers Leo and him had a pretty good time, when they were together, but whatever good they had was completely destroyed by those months in which they both knew one of them had to find the guts to just put an end to their misery, and none of them would.

In the end, Blaine decided it was his duty, after all. He was older, wiser, and at some point he just couldn’t take it anymore. It was unfair to wait for Leo to take responsibility in breaking up, and Blaine clearly remembers how surprising it has been to find out how easy breaking up actually was. Just sitting down around a table and say goodbye.

He keeps a good, pleasant memory of his relationship with Leo, but their break up has been definitive enough to let him believe he wouldn’t have to have anything to do with him or his friends anymore for the rest of his life.

So, when Adam – which he remembers to be Leo’s best friend since kindergarten – shows up on his doorstep on Sunday morning, interrupting his beauty sleep and finding him practically half naked, at first he doesn’t even know how to take it.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asks, peeking right and left to see if Leo’s with him and looking back at him in clear astonishment when he realizes Adam’s alone.

“I need a favor,” Adam answers. He’s looking away and he’s kind of blushing. Last time Blaine had a boy in his teens with flushed cheeks and eyes locked on the ground on his doorstep, it didn’t end well.

“You walked a long way for some sugar, didn’t you?” he asks, arching an eyebrow.

“What?” Adam asks back, puzzled, and then he frowns. “No, you idiot, I don’t need fucking sugar. Are you completely retarded or something?”

“And this puts me in such a good disposition towards you, doesn’t it?” Blaine snorts, hands on his hips, blocking the door as if to make clear Adam’s not gonna come in.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Adam just growls, pushing him back inside the house and then coming in as well, closing the door behind himself with a kick.

“What the hell?!” Blaine yells, pushing him away, “Are you out of your fucking mind? Get out of here!”

“Would you shut up?!” Adam growls in frustration, pacing the room like a beast in a cage, “Just… sit down and hear me out, if you can actually manage to shut that hole for a second!” 

“Alright! God, alright!” Blaine screams, dropping on the couch and crossing his arms over his chest. Wearing only his underpants makes him feel slightly uncomfortable, but it’s nothing compared to the blind rage he feels swelling in his stomach. What the hell does this kid want from him?! Can’t he just go?! “Speak. Quickly.”

Adam sits down on the coffee table right in front of him. Blaine tries the impossible not to yell at him to stand up immediately, but it’s useless. The only problem is that, when he actually opens his mouth to scold him, Adam’s quicker to talk.

“I’m Leo’s boyfriend, now,” he says, and Blaine arches his eyebrows, looking at him in complete bewilderment.

“You?” he asks, “That’s not possible. You were straight, I remember that.”

“Well, yeah, surprise,” Adam shrugs, “Apparently, I wasn’t.”

Blaine frowns, crossing his legs. “Alright, congratulations. I’m happy you saw the light. Anyway, as you can see, I’m not Dr. Drew, so what the hell—”

“We’re having issues,” Adam says. His eyes drop to the floor again. Blaine’s starting to find it unbearable.

“Issues,” he says. “Well, not my problem, is it? Work it out. You don’t need a translator, he speaks English just like you do. Better, perhaps, but still.”

Adam looks back at him, anger burning in his eyes. “You’re the most irritating and unnerving man I ever met!” he says. He never liked Blaine that much, this Blaine can remember very well. He supposes now all the raging jealousy and all the snarky remarks make sense, what with Adam clearly being in love with Leo since the beginning of time and all, but still. “I’d punch you right in the face if I didn’t need your help.”

“Yes, about that,” Blaine snorts, “You still haven’t told me _why_ on earth would you need _my_ help, and nothing you said up to now was of any indication about it. So what? Speak fast and clear, and then get the fuck out.”

Adam keeps looking at him, eyes shining with pure hate and a touch of shame, every line of his body and face so tense Blaine thinks he’d break if he tried to touch him. And then he says it. “Leo’s not satisfied with the way we have sex, you have to teach me how to do it better.”

For more than a couple of minutes, Blaine can do nothing but stare blankly at him, as if he had suddenly started speaking in an alien language. “Excuse me?” he asks then, when his voice finally manages to find its way out of his throat.

“You have to help me,” Adam answers, “Or Leo will leave me.”

“Alright, first of all, surprisingly enough, I do _not_ care!” Blaine yells, standing up and nervously walking around the couch, as if putting some space in between himself and Adam could help him get away from his clear insanity, “Secondly, but more importantly, _what_?! Why _should_ I help you?”

“Well, it’s your fault he’s like this, isn’t it?” Adam stands up, following him around and forcing him to back away every time he comes closer, “You’re the one who fucked him non-stop for three years! You basically _programmed_ him to be like this.”

“Like _what_?!”

“Like _this_!” Adam insists, gesturing vaguely, “He can never get enough of it! He’s always asking for more, like, he can’t be _stopped_! Do you have an even vague idea of what it is to try and keep his rhythm? Last night he had to came _thrice_ before he considered himself satisfied! _Thrice_! I couldn’t even move my legs the morning after!”

“I didn’t want to know any of this!” Blaine barks, horrified, flailing his arms in mid-air. First rule of everybody who’s talking with the ex of his own boyfriend: you don’t talk about sex. Ever! Adam’s incredibly ill-mannered. There was a time in which gay people were the best people. Now they let everybody become part of the club, it’s outrageous. “Adam, listen, I’m sorry you can’t keep up with Leo’s appetite, but I can assure you I didn’t _make_ him like this, I just popped open the ready to explode champagne bottle he was. What came out of it is not my responsibility, and it sure isn’t my responsibility that you’re with him now, so no, I won’t help you. You can go.”

Adam frowns, clutching his fists down his sides. “It _is_ your fault, whether you want to admit it or not.”

“Alright!” Blaine snorts, “I don’t care! It’s my fault, but I don’t care! Better? Now, _go_.”

“I can’t!” Adam yells, and as he does it, his voice breaks. It’s a small change in the sound it makes, vulnerability and fear and frustration leaking out of the crack as he looks down again in shame. “If I don’t do anything about it, he’ll leave me. Or I’ll die from exhaustion, but it’ll be worse if he leaves me.” He looks up again, searching for Blaine’s eyes. “I can’t stand the thought of him leaving me. I’ve wanted him since I can remember, and now he’s mine, and I’m…” he sighs, looking down again, “Not enough. But you were,” he says, and his eyes search for Blaine’s once more, “You were, and I want you to teach me how to be enough myself. I swear I will never bother you again, but please… help me.”

It’s weird to see Adam like this. He’s never been really tough in his life, but he’s always been the kind who would have died before showing weakness. _He must be desperate_ , Blaine thinks, and he can’t help a small amused smile to curl his lips up. “God, have you always been such a drama queen or did you become one after you went gay?”

Adam instantly frowns, growling at him. “You’re an asshole!” he says, “I should have never come here!”

Blaine laughs. That’s more like the Adam he knows. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have,” he says, and then sighs, “But alright.”

Adam, who was already heading for the door, stops on the spot, turning around to look at him. “What?”

“I said _alright_ ,” Blaine repeats, passing a hand through his hair, “I’ll help you.”

The ghost of a smile starts to linger on Adam’s lips, but he instantly stops it. “Wait, you’re not messing with me, are you? ‘Cause I really need help, and if you plan to make me believe you’re helping just to mock me, I swear, I’ll cut your dick in your sleep.”

“It’s good to know you already want to shove your hands down my pants,” Blaine nods, “That’s the spirit.”

“I’m serious,” Adam insists, crossing his arms over his chest, “Promise this is for real.”

“Kids,” Blaine sighs, shaking his head. “I promise I’m not messing with you, and that I’ll do my best to help you with your problems. In return, you’ll promise me that, the moment we’re done with this, you’ll get out of my life and never look for me again. Do we have a deal?”

“No,” Adam answers, shaking his head.

“What?” Blaine snorts, surprised.

“Well, not yet!” Adam explains, walking back to the couch and sitting down, “We have to set rules. We can’t just go and take things for granted, we have to discuss the terms of this agreement.”

“I’m not taking money for this,” Blaine says, making a face.

“Good, I wasn’t going to offer you any,” Adam nods.

“Now I want them just to spite you,” Blaine snorts, but Adam ignores him.

“Rule number one,” he starts listing, “There will be no kissing. And no touching. And absolutely no fucking.”

“God almighty,” Blaine rolls his eyes, “How am I supposed to teach you things if I can’t show you them?!”

“We didn’t need to dissect a human body to know biology in school!” Adam points out, “So you don’t need to fuck me to teach me sex. It’s simple.”

“Alright, alright!” Blaine shakes his head, “As if I could ever want to touch you anyway!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Adam frowns, narrowing his eyes and looking suspiciously at him, “You saying I’m ugly?”

“What?”

“You just said it,” Adam explains, “You said you wouldn’t touch me with a stick.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“So you would.”

“I didn’t say that either!” Blaine looks at him, eyes wide with unbelief, “Are you completely out of your mind?”

“I’m just trying to understand,” Adam shrugs, looking away, “Would you fuck me or not?”

“I wouldn’t!”

“So you think I’m ugly.”

“Nobody in their right mind would think you’re ugly, Adam!” Blaine yells, his hands in his hair, “You look like you just came out of a boyband! Of course I think you’re hot!”

“Ah!” Adam points the finger at him, “Suppress that thought!”

“What?!”

“Suppress it!” he insists, pointing the same finger right against Blaine’s nose, accusingly, “You can’t think I’m hot!”

“Okay, then!” Blaine yells in frustration, “You’re ugly!”

“You can’t think I’m ugly either!”

“Adam, for fuck’s sake!” Blaine hits the armrests of the armchair with both his hands, “I won’t try and fuck you! I promise! That enough for you, can we move on already?!”

Adam’s lips curl in a smartass smile, as he leans against the back of the couch. “Rule number two,” he says, that smile still lingering on his lips, “You don’t mock me. And, if you do, expect me to do the same.”

Blaine’s jaw drops, his eyes growing wide as he searches for something smart to say and comes up with exactly nothing. “…you’re a devil,” he exhales then, his shoulders relaxing a little. “Alright, I got it. I’ll be good. No mocking, so never mess around with me like that again. If I get angry, I’ll kick you right out of my house. That’s my rule.”

Adam nods. “It’s acceptable,” he concedes, “Rule number three—”

“More rules?” Blaine whines.

“Rule number three,” Adam repeats, glaring at him, “This never goes out of here. Leo must never know. You have to promise you’ll never tell him, whatever happens between us. Even if I make you the angriest you’ve ever been, you don’t use this to make me pay. Promise?”

Blaine sighs, looking at him and shaking his head. “Adam, I haven’t spoken with Leo once in the last year and a half, and I don’t intend to. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Adam nods, offering him half a smile. “I figured that much,” he says, “That’s why I came here. Besides the fact that I honestly believe that you’re the only one who can help me with my problem, of course.”

“Yes, what about it?” Blaine asks, frowning curiously, “I mean, try and be clear about it. Is it just that you can’t manage two or three times in a row?”

“Not just that,” Adam sighs, and he looks down again, his cheeks flushed as he speaks. “He says I’m boring.”

“You’re what?”

“Boring!” Adam yells, standing up and flailing his arms in the air in disbelief, “Can you believe it? I’m a fucking football player, I’m probably the hardest fuck he ever had, but he doesn’t care about strength, of course he doesn’t, no, he wants _diversity_! Not only he wants to do it three times a day, but he also wants those three times to be all different between them and between the ones from the previous day and the ones from the next!” He stops for a moment, thinking about what he just said. “He’s honestly unbelievable, I don’t know how you managed.”

“Well, I have imagination,” Blaine answers, arching an eyebrow, “You should too. You’re a football player, okay, but you’re an artist too, aren’t you?”

“What does this have to do with sex?” Adam asks, blinking at him. 

Blaine stares at him blankly for a few seconds. “Are you stupid?”

“No,” Adam frowns, answering as if that was a real question and, in doing so, showing he _is_ indeed stupid, despite what he might think.

“Alright, let’s just… move on,” Blaine sighs, shaking his head. “So, you’ve got no fantasy whatsoever when sex is involved. And you lack in stamina. We can work on that. Let’s start.” He stands up, walks towards Adam and drops his underpants, kicking them away. “Jerk me off.”

“I will never, ever touch you, not even with a fiery stick!” Adam yells, backing off a few steps and actually shielding himself with both his raised arms, “Ew, that’s disgusting!”

Blaine arches an eyebrow, completely unimpressed at him. “Well, we’ve got to work on your technique too. How can I, if I don’t know how good or bad are you with your hands?”

“My hands are in no way involved in this process!” Adam says, his eyes growing wide.

“Oh, come on,” Blaine laughs, amused, “Stop being a pussy and talking nonsense, of course your hands are…” he stops for a moment, focusing better on Adam and his completely astonished, almost shocked expression. His smile quickly fades from his lips. “Adam, you _do_ actually know you have to use hands too during sex, don’t you?”

Adam doesn’t answer.

“Adam!” Blaine barks at him, almost scaring him away.

“What?!”

“You don’t _touch_ him?!” he asks, “You don’t even jerk him off while you have sex?! Are you serious?”

“I can’t touch his dick, come on!” Adam whines, annoyed, “He’s a guy!”

“Well, yes, of course!”

“He can touch it by himself! He has hands too, you know?” 

“Yes, I do, but that’s not the point _at all_!” Blaine explains, almost refusing to believe he really heard what Adam said, “When you have sex with somebody, you touch them! It’s obvious, and the person you have sex with expects you to, just as you expect them to do the same with you.”

“I don’t expect Leo to touch me,” Adam snorts, making a face, “In fact, I don’t let him.”

Blaine’s arms drop down his sides, as he keeps looking at Adam as if he’s starting to believe this must be a dream. “You don’t let him touch you,” he repeats, just to be sure he got that right.

“Of course I don’t,” Adam confirms, almost proud with himself, “If I don’t touch him, I can’t expect him to do the same. And it’s better, really. Touching is awkward.”

“Awkward,” Blaine repeats again, slowly walking back to the couch and sitting down. He’s already weary, and they haven’t even properly started yet. “Adam, come here, please.” Adam blinks a couple of times, but then walks towards him and sits down, far enough not to find his nakedness threatening. “Listen to me,” Blaine says with a sigh, passing a hand over his face, “Basically everything you just said up to now is disturbing me so much I’m almost uncomfortable. You’re messed up, my friend.”

“We’re not friends.”

“Yes, we’re not, but you’re still messed up,” Blaine sighs again. “Now, if what you want from me is some sex tips and some sort of lessons to make you better in bed, I can do that, it’s no big deal. I’m qualified, I’ve got patience, I still care for Leo enough not to want him forever stuck with an animal with no sexual skills whatsoever, but… if you expect me to do so, you’ve got to be ready to experiment. To try new things out. Like, this fact that you don’t touch. Seriously? What’s the problem with touching?”

Adam looks away, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. “It’s… well, Leo’s a boy.”

“Yes, I believe we already discussed the topic.”

“This means he’s got a dick.”

“Obviously.”

“Yeah, but not only!” Adam insists, “I mean… it’s the whole thing. He’s got a male body. The shape of his body, the way he responds to things… I mean,” he sighs, looking away again, “I adore him, he’s the best thing that ever happened to me and I find him sexy, and I want him, but he’s just… it’s awkward, for me, to touch a male body. I’m not used to it.”

Blaine leans against the back of the couch, intently looking at him. “Alright, Adam,” he nods, “I understand that. Really, I do. But you’re with him, now. You’ve got to get used to it. It’s the first step. How can you expect to get better at sex if you can’t even touch him properly?”

Adam raises his eyes on him, his lips curled into a small pout. He’s pretty cute, right now, with his blond hair and his perfectly chiseled features and skin. Blaine finds it easy to understand why Leo would fall for such a beauty. And he also finds it easy to understand how disappointed he could be to learn not always a perfect beauty makes for a perfect match.

“I suppose you’re right,” Adam concedes, sighing deeply. He stares into the void for a moment, and then seems to come back into himself. “Okay, let’s do it.”

“Let’s do what?” Blaine asks, blinking a couple of time.

“I’ll jerk you off,” Adam answers, moving closer to the couch, “You’re not ugly, you’re being kind to me. I can do this.”

“Now, now, I’m moved. Stop before I start crying,” Blaine says, arching an eyebrow, “But, now that I think about it, isn’t this against rule number one?”

“Well, this isn’t the real thing, is it?” Adam shrugs, “I mean, this is not a proper lesson. It’s some sort of preliminary evaluation. Yes, it is. Those rules don’t apply.”

“Honestly,” Blaine half-laughs, “I’ve been talking to you for less than twenty minutes and I have no idea how your mind works, but I can tell already it’s a dark, scary place.”

“Fuck you,” Adam snorts carelessly, “Now, can you just shut up and let me jerk you off?”

“Oh, my _God_ , Adam, you’re so _romantic_!” Blaine mocks him, one hand on his heart, “Be careful, you’ll make me fall in love.”

“God, do you _ever_ shut that mouth of yours?” Adam sighs, shaking his head in surrender as he casts a desperate glance to the ceiling. 

Blaine’s just about to say something else, when Adam’s hand lands on his cock, slapping it a little.

“Ouch!” he grumbles, glaring at him, “Would you please be gentle? I’m not made of iron.”

“Aren’t you?” Adam smirks, his fingers closing around Blaine’s still soft cock, “Leo could go on for hours about how hard you always were. Listening to him, it seemed you never had it down or something. I used to wonder if it was true or if he was just exaggerating.”

“It makes me really happy to know you used to fantasize about the hardness of my cock when I was your best friend’s boyfriend,” Blaine smirks. 

Adam scoffs a laughter and playfully glares at him as he starts to stroke him gently, as he’d do with himself. “Sometimes I really did, you know?” he says, looking down at him as he feels him grow bigger and harder between his fingers.

“What?” Blaine asks in disbelief, his eyes fixed on Adam’s concentrated expression.

“Yeah,” Adam laughs, embarrassed, “I was kinda curious. Not that I realized. You think I’m messed up now? You have _no idea_ how messed up my mind was two years ago. Most of the time I couldn’t even think straight. I had all these urges and needs that I couldn’t understand— I mean, not that I didn’t understand what they were or what they meant, I just couldn’t accept them, you know what I mean?”

Blaine chuckles, relaxing against the back of the couch and sliding down a little, breathing slowly in and out as he closes his eyes, Adam’s fingers getting warmer and a little slicker around him. “Yes, I know. Go on.”

“Talking?”

“That too, if you like,” Blaine laughs.

Adam laughs too, still embarrassed but finding out that speaking as he strokes him makes the whole thing less awkward. “Well, anyway. I used to lie down on my bed, shut the door, close my eyes and, you know, turn my brain off. That way, I couldn’t control my fantasies anymore. They just came straight dancing in front of my eyes, and they were what they were, and I decided I wouldn’t feel guilty about them.” He shrugs, passing his thumb over the head of Blaine’s now hard erection, “And sometimes it was Leo, and sometimes it was some faceless nobody, and sometimes it was you.”

“Me?” Blaine asks in a laughter that comes out muffled by the fact that he’s biting down at his bottom lip hard, his toes already curling with every shock of pleasure that the movement of Adam’s hand sends bolting through his entire body.

“Yeah,” Adam admits with an embarrassed laughter, “I hated you, but you still were one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen in my life,” he stops for a moment, and when he starts stroking Blaine again, he does it looking up at him, eyes fixed on his, “You still are.”

Blaine comes quietly, but only because he had promised himself so. The shiver that runs up and down his body isn’t quite at all, though, and it forces him to grab the armrest with one of his hands to try and stop himself from shaking. 

It’s just a moment. It passes soon, and then he’s back to normal.

God, how much he loves coming.

“So?” Adam asks eagerly, reaching for his backpack and retrieving a tissue to wipe the trace of Blaine’s orgasm off his palm, “Was I any good?”

He hasn’t been half bad, but Blaine can’t risk to say that, can he?

“Let’s just say you need a lot of practice, my friend,” Blaine says with a smirk, standing up and stretching out, “Now, I’m going to go and take a shower, and when I’m done with it I’ll come back here, and you’ll be already out,” he says, heading for the bathroom door without even turning around to say goodbye.

He hasn’t even told Adam when he should be expecting a call for another lesson. It doesn’t matter, though. “I’m not your friend,” Adam grumbles, frowning.

He leaves the house right after that.


	2. 2. “So, have you practiced?”

“So,” Blaine smiles smugly as he welcomes Adam in his house a few days later, “Have you practiced?”

“Funny,” Adam makes a face, walking in and throwing his backpack to the ground, “Very funny. Sorry for not laughing, must be a paralysis.”

Blaine laughs, closing the door and walking back to the sitting room, where he finds Adam already sitting on the couch. “I was serious, though,” he says, “I said you needed practice, I wasn’t lying about it. You jerk off as if you didn’t do that often.”

“Yeah,” Adam snorts, looking away, “That may be ‘cause I actually don’t.”

“Yes, I got that you don’t like to touch Leo’s cock, Adam,” Blaine sighs, “No need to repeat it.”

“No, I mean, generally speaking,” Adam insists, turning to look at him, “I don’t jerk off on my own that much either.”

“Good grief!” Blaine cries out, a hand on his heart, “But that’s terrible, my dear. Why would God give you a cock, for you to just ignore it?”

“I’m not saying I hate to do it,” Adam glares at him, “I’m just not a sex addict like you lot, is that a crime?”

“Jerking off should be a daily activity, like brushing your teeth and eating your vegetables,” Blaine shrugs, “Helps you relax, get to know your body better, not to mention the unspeakable bliss that having an orgasm is. I don’t know how you survive without having one at least once a day.”

“As I said, I’m not an addict,” Adam snorts, “That’s pretty much my secret.”

“Alright, alright,” Blaine laughs, amused, “Good to know there are yet more issues with yourself we need to resolve.”

“I don’t—”

“Jerk off, now.”

“What?” Adam almost chokes on his own breath.

“Jerk off,” Blaine repeats in a small laughter, “Are you deaf?”

“…just dumbstruck.”

“Oh, please,” Blaine laughs again, slapping Adam’s thigh, “Nobody’s been using that word since 1935.”

“Still,” Adam swallows, “Why d’you want me to—”

“You told me you don’t let Leo touch you,” Blaine explains with half a smile, looking at him, “You said it’s because you don’t want to touch him, and so you think it’s unfair to expect him to touch you. What I think is that every single word you said is bullshit.”

“Excuse me?” Adam frowns. 

Blaine’s smile just widens. “You heard me,” he says, “What I think is that you never really processed and interiorized your attraction towards not only Leo, but the male human body to begin with. You’re an artist, you’re used to see things as subjects to portrait, not treats to desire. That’s how Leo sees you, though. You’re a treat. You’re like a candy he saw in a shop, and that he wants to suck at hard until it consummates.”

“I’m not a candy,” Adam protests, blushing wildly at Blaine’s choice of words, “I’m his—”

“Boyfriend,” Blaine smiles, “I know. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to suck at you like you’re candy. You can bet I would, if you were my boyfriend.”

“Luckily, I’m not,” Adam says, making a face.

“That’s beyond the point,” Blaine laughs, “What I’m saying is, you can’t keep looking at him as if he was some Renaissance painting in a museum. He’s a guy, with needs and kinks, just like I’m sure you are. You still have to find out yours, he already knows his own, but that’s irrelevant, because what matters is that now you have to share as much of them as possible, because you’re together. And being together means to share everything.”

“Jeez…” Adam sighs, looking away. He’s still blushing, and that’s somewhat cute. “Are you my therapist, now? Should I rethink this whole thing and bring money, next time?”

“Or,” Blaine laughs, amused, “You could stop wasting both our time and start masturbating. Put your hands on yourself, Adam!” he says, encouragingly, “It’s your body! You must know it, what it likes, how it reacts to different things! In my experience, it’s literally impossible to have satisfying sex with someone else until one hasn’t had satisfying sex with oneself.”

“Well,” Adam pouts, “Nobody ever complained, before Leo.”

“That’s because none of them _were_ Leo,” Blaine shrugs, “Leo’s hot. He’s had sex with half the campus _and_ me. All the people you’ve been with, Adam, they were amateurs.”

“And Leo’s a professional?” Adam asks, arching an eyebrow.

“In a way,” Blaine chuckles, “What I mean is that he’s experienced. All the others were just thankful enough to have you between their thighs. You’re hot, you’re popular, you’re the quarterback of the college’s football team, nobody cares for how you fuck, they’re grateful when you decide to fuck them already. But Leo’s different. You’ve got to skill up for him.”

“Can’t be just sex, it has to be quality sex,” Adam tells himself, thinking about it, and then he sighs. “You know, I always believed sex wasn’t really important, in a relationship. You know, that love always comes first and so on.”

“And who said it doesn’t?” Blaine arches both eyebrows, looking at him, “Of course love comes first. Love had you waiting for years before you finally had him. Love made you overcome all the uncountable pains of being boyfriend with a guy like Leo. Love brought you here,” he smiles, “It made you ask for help to the person you hate most in the world, just to keep your relationship with Leo safe. That was love, and it’s what matters more. But it’s not _all_ that matters.”

Adam sighs, trying to relax against the back of the couch. “It’s still awkward,” he says. “Even though I know it was my idea to come here, and even though I still think you’re the right person to help me… it still—”

“Stop thinking about me,” Blaine interrupts him. He stands up from the couch and walks behind it, kneeling on the floor. “Close your eyes and listen.”

“What the hell are you doing there?” Adam asks, turning around and trying to peek at him, but Blaine bends over, hiding behind the back of the couch with a giggle.

“Forget about me,” he says, and Adam sighs, annoyed, sitting down and leaning his head against the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling. “Just listen to my voice.”

“This is stupid.”

“I’ve got to meet a friend for lunch, can you just stop whining and do as I say?” Blaine asks, and there’s kindness in his voice, despite the mocking clear in his laughter.

“Okay, okay…” Adam snorts, closing his eyes and breathing in, trying to relax. “So what?”

“It’s six PM,” Blaine says, his voice sounding incredibly close to Adam’s ear. Maybe too close, close enough to make Adam feel the featherlike touch of his breath on his skin.

“No, it’s not,” he whines, biting his bottom lip and trying not to pull away, “It’s almost noon.”

“Shut up,” Blaine chuckles, “Be a good boy and go with the tale. It’s six PM and your classes just ended. You walked out of the house this morning, grabbed a bite of something on the way and you haven’t seen the sunlight for the next ten hours, busy as you’ve been with lessons and practicing.”

“Are you trying to wear me out?” Adam sighs, fighting the urge to open his eyes to check on how close Blaine really is.

“I’m trying to make you concentrate,” Blaine says, his voice soft, too close for comfort. “You haven’t seen Leo once, today. You walked out while he was still asleep. You’ve been craving him for hours, now.”

Adam moistens his lips and then tortures them with his teeth, closing his hands in fists around the cover of the couch. “…yes,” he whispers. He feels Blaine’s smile against his neck, despite being fairly sure the man’s not even touching him right now.

“You come home, and you expect Leo to be out. He always is, isn’t he? Out with Annie, out with Matt, out with Whatshisname and Whatsherface,” Blaine smiles, thinking about all the times he wanted to surprise Leo and he went to find him, only to discover he was out shopping or grabbing a coffee at Starbucks with some friends. He can tell it’s the same for Adam, by the way he frowns when he hears him talking about it. “But not this time,” he goes on, and Adam’s features relax, “He’s home, and the moment he lifts his eyes on you, you know he’s been craving you just the same.”

The picture Blaine’s voice is drawing comes alive in Adam’s mind. There Leo is, on the couch. He’s curled up in the corner as he often does, barefoot, his knees to his chest, lazily reading some comics. He turns to look at Adam and Adam feels the sudden rush of urgency that Leo’s eyes always give him when they look at him that way.

He brings both his hands to his pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them. He lifts his hips from the couch to take them off, but Blaine’s hands press on his shoulders, keeping him still. “He doesn’t leave you the time to undress,” he says, and Adam sees Leo run towards him, press his body against his own, kiss him all over as he always does. In the fantasy, he even lets himself kiss him all over too, despite the fact that he usually doesn’t. “He’s hard as hell, and you are too. He notices, when you touch, and the next thing you know is he slipped a hand down your pants, and he’s stroking you. Slowly.”

Adam lets out a small whining noise. He knows what Blaine’s asking him to do, and he finds it irritating. It’s torture, and he doesn’t like the idea that he could stain his pants if Blaine doesn’t let him take them off.

On the other hand, Blaine practically ordered him to keep them on. Somehow, having to comply makes it hot.

He slips a hand down his pants and underpants, touching himself gently, following the rhythm Blaine’s voice is imposing on him. “He closes his fingers around you,” Blaine says, and Adam does the same, “And he moves his fist up and down around you. His skin is hot and barely sweaty. You slip through his fingers easily, there’s almost no friction, and you love it.”

Adam arches his back, moving his hand a little faster. He tugs at the cover of the couch, his head thrown back. Blaine’s breathing against his skin, and there are wild shivers running up and down his spine. “Yes,” he whispers, panting a bit, “More.”

 _It’s too easy_ , Blaine smiles at himself, getting a little closer to Adam so to be able to speak in an even lower voice but still be sure he’s going to hear him alright. “At some point he starts to fidget,” he says, watching Adam as he swallows loudly, his eyes stubbornly closed and his hand moving quickly all around himself, despite his pants and underpants making his movements clumsier, “You know how he does, don’t you? When he gets impatient.”

“Yeah,” Adam exhales, licking his lips as he sticks his free hand underneath his own t-shirt, rubbing his fingertips against his stomach. Blaine can’t help but look down. He can see nothing, but somehow not being able to see makes him horny. He’s going to have to meet his hand privately too, once Adam’s gone.

“Yes, you do,” he smiles a bit, “He starts rubbing himself against you, his hands are everywhere. And he kisses you, and how good is he at kissing? Don’t his kisses make you want to grab him and turn him around and take him right against the wall, just where you are?”

“Yes!” Adam almost yells, his back arching beautifully as he moves his hand up towards his own chest, his other hand tightly closed around his erection, stroking it fast.

“And you do it,” Blaine whispers, “You grab him by his shoulders and you push him against the wall. He arches his back and pushes his ass out towards you. He’s asking for it, he’s _begging_ for it, and you can’t make him wait anymore. So you push his sweatpants down, just barely, just enough to uncover him, and then you push yourself against him, and in a second you’re inside him, and he’s so hot, he’s shaking, he’s screaming your name, and the next thing you know—”

“I’m coming!” Adam screams, his whole body shaking wildly for a moment, his legs stretched and rigid and then suddenly limp and weary as he lets himself fall back on the couch, breathing heavily and still trembling with each and every wave of his orgasm that runs through his body.

“Yes,” Blaine chuckles, standing up and stretching his legs, tired from kneeling, “Exactly.”

“Whoa,” Adam pants helplessly, barely opening his eyes to watch as Blaine sits back besides him, crossing his legs, “That was… _whoa_. Is it always like this, when you jerk off?”

“Yes,” Blaine chuckles, “I try to keep it interesting. You know, I’ve been doing it since I was, like, thirteen. It’s either keeping it interesting or get bored with it. And, as you saw, it’d be a pity to be bored with it.”

“Yeah, but it’s never like this when I jerk off!” Adam insists, recovering quickly and turning to look at him, “It’s, I mean, it’s good enough, but it’s not… this was _mind-blowing_ , Blaine, seriously!”

“Then you should do it more often, don’t you think?” Blaine just says in a small, amused laughter.

Adam nods to himself and stays quiet for a very long time, as if he was incredibly busy processing in details what just happened to him. Knowing how slowly and rigidly his brain works, Blaine doesn’t doubt it to be true.

Then Adam looks up at him, and his eyes are clear, though somehow a little worried. “You remember him well, don’t you?” he asks.

“Who?” Blaine says, trying to act casual, but when Adam frowns, angry, he sighs, “Well, yes, I do,” he concedes, “He _was_ my boyfriend for three years, after all, wasn’t he?”

“Three years and a half,” Adam corrects him.

“What, have you been keeping count of the days?” Blaine mocks him, annoyed with where this conversation seems to be heading.

“Yes,” Adam answers, simply.

Blaine turns to look at him and sighs again. “You don’t have to worry about me,” he says, “I’m not a threat to you and Leo anymore. I’m out of the picture, remember? I’m only here because you want me to, but when we’re done you won’t see me ever again. Does this make you feel better?”

Adam doesn’t answer to this. He keeps looking at him, his brown eyes deep and concentrated on him. “Do you still love him?” he asks.

“Love him?” Blaine frowns, backing away a little. He doesn’t want to discuss this. Why would Adam want to know, even if it was so? What does he care? He’s the boyfriend, now, isn’t he? Blaine’s nobody anymore. “What makes you think so?”

“I don’t know,” Adam shrugs, looking down, “Just… the way you talked about him, before, I guess. As if you could see him or something.”

“I was trying to make _you_ see him,” Blaine points out, “It was for you, not for me.”

Adam looks back at him. “You still haven’t answered the question, though,” he says.

Blaine swallows and looks away. He’d like to tell him to fuck off, that it’s none of his business, anyway. His voice just doesn’t come out.

“It’s okay,” Adam says, and when Blaine looks up at him again, he’s smiling, “You don’t have to answer and it was rude of me to ask. Sorry.”

Blaine shrugs, standing up. “Don’t worry,” he sighs, “I’m used to deal with you kids, always saying the wrong thing. It’s already a lot that you apologized.”

Adam chuckles, standing up too. “Listen,” he asks, “Can I take a shower, and maybe borrow something yours? I’m all sticky, it’s disgusting.”

“My clothes will never fit you,” Blaine answers in an amused laughter, “You’re too tall.”

“I’ll squeeze in it,” Adam answers, shrugging, “I fit into Leo’s, when I have to, I’ll fit into yours as well.”

“Maybe,” Blaine chuckles, “But how are you going to explain him about wearing different clothes that aren’t even yours?”

Adam smirks smugly, his hands on his hips. “I’ll have to come up with something,” he says, “After all, aren’t you helping me to improve my imagination?”

“Ah, look at you,” Blaine laughs, “Am I turning you into some lying bastard?”

Adam laughs, shaking his head. “That can’t be,” he says, “I’m not you.”

The sound of his voice is funny and light, and it’s nothing but a joke. Blaine knows it, and he doesn’t get angry at him.

Somehow it still hurts, though.


	3. 3. “What do I need this for?”

Sometimes Adam thinks his brain hasn’t been programmed to process things quickly. He doesn’t think himself slow, even though at times people keep telling him that, he just thinks he’s not one to instantly get whatever’s going on around him. Took him years to get over the fact that Leo was bisexual – took him years to _understand_ what bisexuality was. When he understood he had something for Leo, something that went beyond friendship, even the closest, it took him years to accept it. But first he had needed years to figure it out.

So, when Blaine leads him to the bedroom and shows him the bed, instead of inviting him to please sit down on the couch as he’s done up until now, at first Adam’s brain just can’t process. It’s a change of scenery and he’s not sure he’s comfortable with it. Beds are threatening. Things happen in beds. Bad, bad things happen in beds. Things get out of control and body parts that shouldn’t be touched get touched and things that should never be said slip out of mouths and people go wild and then regret it. The mere idea of being this close to a bed together with Blaine is so upsetting that Adam literally sees an imaginary blue screen of death appear in his mind, and he just says “No.”

“No?” Blaine asks, looking at him, “I haven’t even said a word.”

“You don’t need to,” Adam shakes his head, backing off, “This is inappropriate.”

“You mean more than shoving your hand down my pants and jerking off in front of me?”

“Could you not?” Adam begs, horrified, “Please?”

“Ah, I’m sorry,” Blaine theatrically sighs, casting an annoyed glance to the ceiling, “I forgot you live in the Free State of Denial, so nothing about what we do here can be said aloud and, if it has to, it must be said using ellipsis and periphrasis.”

“That’s not funny,” Adam protests, frowning.

Blaine sighs again. “No, it’s not,” he agrees with a nod. “Anyway, I’ve experienced how you jerk other people off, I’ve seen how you jerk off yourself, now we’ve got to move forward. It’s only logical.”

“Yeah, see, logic’s kind of an issue, with me,” Adam nods, eager to explain himself.

“Did you make it to put the star-shaped toy in his own star-shaped hole, in kindergarten?” Blaine asks, mockingly, “Yes? Perfect, then you shouldn’t have problems with this either.”

“I do,” Adam insists, “There’s no connection. I can’t see why I should insert my toy in any hole, right now. So, you see, your argument is invalid.”

Blaine arches an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re so stupid I don’t even know how you carry on conversations with other human beings,” he says, “How did you even get into college? Who did you blow?”

“Ew,” Adam makes a face, “I don’t blow.”

“Go figure!”

“Stop it!” Adam whines, slapping Blaine’s shoulder and then pouting, “I thought we had agreed on some rules about mocking.”

“Alright, alright,” Blaine laughs, shaking his head. “The thing is, I’ve seen how you work with your hands, now I’ve got to see how you fuck. If you want suggestions, then—”

“Wait just a moment!” Adam yells, backing off quickly, “We agreed on not fucking! That’s definitely not gonna happen, okay? So, don’t even try!”

“As I said, Adam, I wouldn’t touch you with a finger,” Blaine sighs, “I’m too scared you could cut it off. You don’t have to fuck me.”

Adam blinks, casting a worried glance all around the room. What if there’s somebody hidden in the bathroom? Some huge bear dressed in black leather and carrying a whip that’s been ordered by Blaine to suddenly appear behind Adam’s back and push him down on the bed to sexually assault him? “If it’s not you…” he starts, but Blaine stops him, rolling his eyes and groaning, annoyed.

Adam looks at him as he approaches the bed, bends over it and grabs one of the pillows, throwing it at him right after. “Here,” he simply says. 

Adam looks at the pillow, then up at Blaine and finally down at the pillow once again. “What do I need this for?”

Blaine arches an eyebrow, casting him an incredulous look. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Adam nods, “I mean, what am I—”

“Just drop your pants, put it on the bed and use it to show me how you fuck!” Blaine interrupts him, flailing his arms in the air in distress, “God! How slow can you be?”

For a long moment, Adam just stares at him, his expression completely blank. “You want me to hump it?” he asks then.

“Well, yes,” Blaine answers, “How else am I supposed to—”

“I’m not gonna hump it!” Adam screams, throwing the pillow on the bed in disgust as if it was dirty or it was its fault that he’s being asked to get intimate with it. 

“Oh, come on,” Blaine snorts, annoyed, “We all did it, as kids.”

“Not me!” Adam protests, horrified.

“God, so you were even more sexually repressed as a kid that you are now?” Blaine smirks, “That’s something.”

“I’m not— okay, I am, but this is so completely _not_ the point!” Adam tries to explain, “I can’t, I mean, not in front of you, anyway! It’d be weird.”

“I promise I won’t take any pleasure in it,” Blaine sighs, “Besides, I’m already bored out of my mind, so either you start humping that pillow, or you can go your own way. Come on, entertain me.”

“You’re the dirtiest piece of trash I ever had the pleasure to meet,” Adam harshly says. He’s so disgusted he’d spit on the ground, if only they weren’t indoor. “I’m not here to _entertain_ you, asshole. I’m here to—”

“God, if I have to hear the story once again,” Blaine snorts, throwing his head backwards and whining loudly. “Listen to me,” he says as he goes back to look at Adam, “And listen carefully, because I swear this is the last time I repeat it: I don’t want to touch you, I don’t particularly like to watch you, I’m not doing any of this because I find it sexually arousing. I’m doing it because you asked for help and I thought it sweet that you did it. Not for me, but for Leo. Is that clear?”

Adam pouts, looking away. “Yeah,” he concedes, unwillingly.

“Good,” Blaine nods, “Now, the thing is: I’ve never seen you fuck.”

“Praise the Lord for that.”

“Shut the fuck up, Adam. I’ve never seen you fuck, so if I ever want to be able to give you some tips on how to do it better, first I have to see how you do it now.”

“But, Blaine,” Adam whines, childishly, “I’m not even— I mean,” he looks down at his crotch, stupidly ashamed by his lack of arousal despite having basically all the good reasons not to be aroused at all, “And then!” he insists, looking back up at Blaine, “The pillow’s not consenting, that’s sexual assault!”

“Oh, _please_ ,” Blaine snorts, shaking his head, “With all the action that pillow has seen in my bed, it’s been probably waiting for somebody to come and pop its cherry for quite a long time. I promise it’s willing, it won’t sue. Now,” he looks sternly at the younger man, pointing his finger at him, “I don’t care what you have to do, or to whom you have to think to get horny. I’ve got some porn DVDs and I can give you ten minutes on your own, if you need them, but get that cock up, already, and fuck that pillow, and that’s final.”

“Okay!” Adam yells, blushing madly, “Okay! God, you’re so pushy.”

“And you haven’t even seen the half of it,” Blaine smirks.

“Fine,” Adam sighs, passing a hand over his face, “Fine,” he repeats. And then he starts unbuttoning his pants.

“Do you need some time alone?” Blaine asks, his eyes nonchalantly dropping down on Adam’s crotch.

“Nah,” Adam answers with another sigh, “The sooner I start it, the sooner it’ll be over,” he says, dropping his pants and underpants and turning around towards the bed, bending over it to arrange the pillow. “God, this is awkward.”

“Don’t start again,” Blaine warns him, frowning.

“I’m not, I’m not!” Adam snorts. He looks down at the pillow and vaguely wonders how he’s supposed to do something like this. He wouldn’t know how even if he was alone, but with an audience… it’s just ridiculous. But Blaine seems set on it, and anyway his reasoning somehow makes sense in Adam’s head too – he can’t expect Blaine to know shit about the way he has sex, if he hasn’t ever seen him doing it – so he just swallows and settles on the pillow, shivering a bit as he feels the cool, soft touch of the silk sheets against his skin. “Silk,” he whispers, a faint smile curling his lips as he adjusts on the pillow, “Could you be any gayer?”

“I assure you,” Blaine smirks, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching him, “It has nothing to do with being gay, it’s all about being rich.”

“There are no silk sheets in Leo’s house, though his parents are rich,” Adam wonders.

“They’re also gay,” Blaine chuckles.

“And, apparently, less than you are,” Adam laughs, moving his hips upwards and letting a soft moan escape his lips to the feeling. It’s an awkward, kind of embarrassing sensation. The silk’s warming up, it kind of sticks to his skin, but then, when he moves, it rubs against him softly like caressing fingers, and the pillow’s so soft that, every time he moves, it adjusts underneath him to welcome him better. His hardening cock’s starting to create a growing recess in which it fits perfectly, and as he moves against the pillow he feels himself slide in and out that comfortable fold in the fabric, and the more he gets harder, the better it feels.

“Everything fine, there?” Blaine asks with a smirk. 

Adam, his eyes closed, can only whisper, “Leave me alone, I’m doing fine.”

“Actually, you’re not,” Blaine chuckles, “I mean, if you were just masturbating, of course, but you’re supposed to show me how you fuck Leo. Is that how you do it?”

“Yeah…” Adam whines, “No. I don’t know, leave me be!” he begs, holding the pillow with both his hands to keep it still as he pushes himself right against it. “That’s so…” he says in a low voice, as his breath grows heavier. He doesn’t even need to finish the sentence.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” Blaine smiles, lying down on his side on the bed, his elbow against the mattress and his chin resting on his palm. “May I ask you a question, Adam?”

“Right now, you could ask me to give up all my belongings and sign them on to you, and I’d say yes,” Adam whispers, wild shivers running through his body as he moves, habit finding its own way to take control of the situation, managing to show Blaine what he needed to see after all.

“Yes,” Blaine chuckles, “Luckily, there’s nothing you have I could possibly want.”

“Except maybe Leo,” Adam says nonchalantly, not even realizing what that even means. He says it as a joke, and Blaine’s very careful to take it as one, and actually he’s not even sure he’d want Leo back, even if there was a chance. But what they have, what Adam and Leo share, that’s something he envies, even if just a bit. He loves his freedom, he likes to be by himself. But Adam’s longing, the length he’s willing to go for Leo… now, Blaine can’t speak for Leo himself, since he hasn’t talked to him in a very long time, and he probably wouldn’t be able to explain how to be the subject of such love could feel, but the strength of Adam’s feelings hits him hard every time they see each other. And yes, that’s something he’s starting to want for himself too.

“Except maybe Leo, yes,” he smiles softly, settling better on the bed. “But my question wasn’t about him.”

“Well, shoot,” Adam says. And then laughs, and adds, “So to speak.”

Blaine’s laughter echoes the younger man’s, before he finally dares to ask. “Why don’t you like to masturbate?”

“It’s not that I don’t like it,” Adam whines and then sighs, his body tensing as slow waves of pleasure travel through him, “I just don’t do it often. I’m not used to.”

“What about when you do it, then,” Blaine inquires, curiously, “How does it happen? If it’s not natural, what triggers it?”

“God, do you have to ask now that I can’t possibly get away from this fucking pillow, not even if I wanted to?” Adam complains with a peculiarly small, childish voice, as his hips move faster against the pillow, as if trying to get himself to come as fast as possible to get away from both that conversation and Blaine himself.

“Come on, Adam,” Blaine smirks, moving a little closer to him, his eyes catching the discreet change of pace, “I’m just curious.”

“It just happens when I’m incredibly frustrated, you know?” Adam blurts out, his eyes closed as he squeezes the pillow between his closed fists, biting his bottom lip and then licking at it every now and then, “I go on and on and on without having sex and touching myself for days, or at least that’s what I did when I didn’t have an overly sexualized boyfriend… at some point I need release. That’s when I do it. When I can do nothing else.”

“But you could,” Blaine says, arching an eyebrow. He met some pretty weird people in his life, some of them carrying on their shoulders the weight of issues way heavier than Adam’s, but Adam’s way of dealing with things somehow manages to still be the most fucked up he ever witnessed in his life. And he himself is a person that reacted whoring around for more than a year to an high school break up, so he knows what he’s talking about. There’s something incredibly self-hating in the way Adam handles his needs, as if they were sins he deserved to be punished for. It just makes Blaine want to _save him_ , somehow. “I mean,” he goes on, gesturing vaguely in mid-air, “You don’t have to wait for it to become a desperate need, to do it. You could just… you know. Do it, when you want to.”

Adam opens his eyes slowly, focusing on him despite being so lustdriven he can barely keep his eyelids lifted. As he moves, his breath now heavy and irregular, since he keeps holding it in during the strongest surges of pleasure, some sort of new awareness seems to dawn on him. “Yeah…” he says in a whisper, “I could. I suppose I could let myself.”

He comes right after, and despite the slow mounting of his orgasm it still manages to be pretty sudden and quite overwhelming. Blaine barely has the time to think about his pillowcase, and how he’s probably going to have to burn it in the backyard, along with the whole bedding, that he’s just as suddenly blown away by the expression on Adam’s face. His features are relaxed, despite the light way he’s frowning, and his lips are parted, wet, swollen and red as cherries. His breath’s heavy, and his whole body keeps moving up and down on the pillow with it, still shaking every now and then.

He’s so beautiful. And, right now, so free.

“How was it?” he asks softly, still caressing Adam’s whole figure with his eyes.

Adam doesn’t even try to move. Leaning limply against the pillow, he keeps his eyes closed as he tries to catch his breath again. “I have no words for it,” he answers, “I didn’t even know it could be this pleasant.”

“It can be even more so, if you just want it to be,” Blaine nods, “You should stop hurting yourself like that,” he adds, and he doesn’t need to explain why he thinks so, because he’s sure Adam will get it.

And Adam does. He lifts his head from the mattress and looks at him, and he nods a little, his eyes now clearer, more serious. “I feel very stupid,” he says, and it sounds like a confession.

“You are,” Blaine chuckles, sitting straight and then standing up from the bed, “But then, who isn’t? Everybody’s been scared about sex, even ashamed of it, at some point,” he shrugs, “You just never really managed to get over it.”

Adam looks down, blushing for a moment. “And will you help with that?”

Blaine can’t help but smirk, chuckling lightly. “As long as it lets me stare at your ass for free, why not?” he jokes, arching an eyebrow.

“What…” Adam stammers, and then frowns, “Hey, wait a moment, wasn’t this supposed to show you how I fuck so you could help me improve my technique?”

“Ah! Was it?” Blaine asks, mockingly, “I’m sorry, I haven’t paid enough attention.”

“What?!”

“You’ll have to show me again.”

“You asshole!” Adam yells, standing up, still covering himself with the pillow and then throwing it away when he realizes it’s pointless and he hates the sticky feeling of his own come against his skin, “I hate you, and I swear before this thing’s over I’ll see you dead!”

Blaine keeps laughing long after he’s gone.


	4. 4. “What’s the matter?”

“So,” Blaine asks with a smirk as he sips at his coffee, “You haven’t told me, how’s it going between you and Leo since you started coming here?”

Putting down the mug filled with hot chocolate that Blaine prepared for him when he asked him what he wanted to drink, Adam frowns, disappointed. “Actually,” he says, “That’s something I wanted to talk to you about. I mean, if you were, I don’t know, an hairdresser, and I were paying you to deliver me a service, right now I’d sue.”

“Then I’m lucky I’m not an hairdresser, and most of all that you’re not paying me,” Blaine giggles, “What’s the matter?”

“The matter is, I’m not improving!” Adam protests, crossing his arms over his chest, “I mean, some things are actually going a little better, as for example…” he tries to think of something. It takes more than he had hoped for. “Well, let’s just say I don’t freak out like I used to, and, well, yesterday I actually wanted to jerk off and I did it and it wasn’t much of a big deal.”

“Ah!” Blaine mocks him, “You’re clearly getting better, I’m so proud of you.”

“Shut up, it _is_ an improvement,” Adam frowns, “I mean, Leo was in the other room. I was hard and I could have gone to him, I knew he wouldn’t have minded, but I actually, well, wanted to take care of myself, for once. I mean, just come without necessarily freaking out on him touching me, and me touching him, and things happening, and not working. You know what I mean?”

“I’m not sure,” Blaine laughs. He does, of course, but Adam’s priceless when he tries to explain to him things he has no idea how to explain to himself in first place.

“I mean,” Adam gestures vaguely, grabbing his mug and swallowing some more chocolate, “I’m getting better, but still, sometimes, you know, it doesn’t work with Leo, like, something goes horribly wrong and he hates it, or I can’t, well, you know, I don’t particularly like it either, and I’ve got this feeling that, like, sometimes it’s _not_ supposed to work, I mean, that sex can’t be, like, awesome and great every time, there are times in which, well, yeah, it just, it doesn’t do, it’s just not right, and so there are times in which one must be a man,” he hits his chest with his closed fist, proudly, “And take the matter in his own hands, so to speak.”

“Yes,” Blaine laughs, amused, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“Don’t laugh,” Adam can’t help but laughing too, knowing he’s probably making a fool out of himself but figuring that, at this point, it doesn’t matter much, considering all that Blaine has seen of him, “I’m serious, it was huge for me.”

“No, but really,” Blaine nods, trying to stop his laughter, “I’m proud of you. I know you’re making progress. But you told me not as much as you wish?”

“Yeah, that’s why I’d sue,” Adam nods, finding back all his disappointment, “The thing is, okay: sex is not supposed to be _always_ perfect. But I at least expect the times in which it’s good to even out the ones in which it sucks!”

“And… I take, from your complaints, that this is not happening?” Blaine chuckles, finishing his coffee and standing up to quickly wash the cup.

“Exactly,” Adam sighs, pushing away his chocolate to lay his head down on the table, his arms spread out as if he was exhausted by just thinking about it. “At this point, I don’t even know if it’s my fault or Leo’s fault anymore. So I decided to blame you.”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine laughs, walking back to the table, “How is it my fault?”

“Well, I came here asking for help!” Adam explains, “Your help clearly isn’t enough, so it’s your fault! It’s logic.”

“It’s ridiculous,” Blaine laughs, sitting down with a sigh, “Adam, you didn’t come here asking for something that I could provide right away. It’s not like you asked for a recipe for Christmas Eve! Or, I don’t know, a music CD! You asked to be helped to improve your skills and the general way you approach sex, and I’m doing that, but it takes time and patience.”

“Somehow, I’m still convinced you just keep me coming back here because you’re trying to screw me, one way or another,” Adam says, narrowing his eyes and looking at Blaine, suspiciously.

“Believe me, Adam,” Blaine smirks, “If I wanted to screw you, I’d have done it already. I’d have made you _beg_ for it.”

“No, you wouldn’t have,” Adam smiles, but there’s sadness in his eyes as he looks down at his chocolate, “I’d have screamed before you could even try to touch me.”

Blaine looks at him for a couple of seconds, and then sighs deeply, leaning in and taking Adam’s cup in his hands, sipping at his chocolate. Then he pushes it back towards him, and Adam looks at his face, at the cup and back at his face for a good half minute before he finally accepts it, and sips from it too. They’re sharing chocolate, now. There’s nothing they can’t share, from now on. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Blaine asks, but it’s just a formality. He already knows the answer, and Adam doesn’t have to say yes.

“It’s just— I don’t really know what to say. How to explain it,” he sighs, looking down.

Blaine smiles encouragingly. “I’m sure you’ll find a way.”

Adam looks up and smiles back at him, shrugging lightly. “Simply put, I don’t think I can really get used to men touching me.”

“Which is good, since, from what I gathered, you don’t plan on being touched by a thousand men, but just one.”

“Yeah,” Adam sighs, looking away, “He’s… kind of included, though.”

“Why,” Blaine puts up a bewildered mask, drinking some more chocolate, “I thought none of your rules applied to Leo.”

“Yeah, tell that to my body,” Adam sighs again, rubbing his face with both his hands in distress, “I can’t control it. It just… grosses me out so much. It’s just weird.”

“Was it weird with girls too?”

“No,” Adam shakes his head, “I let them touch me. It’s just boys. It’s like, every time it happens my body screams in disgust. I just _have_ to move away,” he sighs once more, passing a hand through his hair, “Leo can’t understand it. It makes him so angry, we end up fighting every time. He’s always telling me things like _if I sicken you so much, you shouldn’t wanna fuck me at all_ , and… I mean, I know I’ve got issues, and he’s got a right to be upset by it, but… what else am I supposed to do?”

“Well, it depends,” Blaine answers, standing up, “If you want to keep him, maybe you should start to think about getting over it.”

“But what if I just don’t like it?” Adam asks, following him with his eyes, “What if it’s not an issue and I just don’t like being touched by boys?”

“We’ll think about it _if_ and only _if_ that’s the case,” Blaine smiles, walking towards him, “The thing is: you already fuck boys. Unsatisfying as it appears to be because of all the problems we’re trying to solve now, you still manage to do it without throwing up, and you like it. And fucking somebody is way more difficult than being touched by them, so I’m pretty sure this has nothing to do with you not liking it. You’re just fucked up,” he finishes with a small laughter.

“You can’t help being mean to me, can you?” Adam pouts, crossing his arms over his chest. Blaine answers with another laughter and kneels before him, and the mere movement makes a wild shiver run up and down Adam’s spine. “What are you doing?” he asks, his voice a little shaky, unable to take his eyes off him.

“I’m helping,” Blaine simply answers, reaching out for Adam’s belt and unbuckling it.

Adam lifts both his hands up in the air, alarmed. “You’re not gonna blow me, are you?”

 

“You’d like that,” Blaine chuckles, unbuttoning and unzipping Adam’s pants.

“I wouldn’t!” Adam almost screams, lifting up his ass from the chair as Blaine starts to tug at his pants, pulling them down his legs.

“Sure,” Blaine laughs, “Anyway, I’m not going to blow you, it’d be useless. It’s a fact that men would take a blowjob from anybody, gay or straight. That wouldn’t help you at all.”

“So,” Adam swallows, “What are you gonna do?”

Blaine smirks, looking up at him. He kneels closer, settling between Adam’s parted legs. “I’m going to touch you,” he says, lifting a hand and reaching out for him.

Adam instantly grabs him by his wrist, squeezing it nervously. “No, don’t,” he says, shaking his head, “Please, I hate it. Don’t do it.”

“Calm down!” Blaine can’t help but laugh, lightly slapping Adam’s hand to make him let him go. “I won’t do it, until you give me permission.”

“Then you never will. Besides, this breaks the no touching rule, so—”

“Adam, we set those rules when I still didn’t know what your problem really was,” Blaine explains, “Now it’s clear that you’ve got countless issues when it comes to get intimate with men, and that’s something I can actually help you with. I can help you getting used to it.”

“Okay, but then how come Leo doesn’t help with that?” Adam asks back, eager to rebut Blaine’s arguments, “I mean, we have sex all the time, and still it wasn’t enough to help me get used to it, so maybe I’m just not supposed to. What makes you think you’d make it?”

Blaine smiles tenderly, resting his elbows on Adam’s knees. “You don’t care shit about me,” he explains, “You’ll let me touch you, because if you happen to hate it you won’t hesitate to kick me away as hard as you can. Leo, on the other hand,” his smile turns sweeter, “You love him to bits. You’ll never let him touch you, because you wouldn’t kick him away even if you hated it. And you can’t afford to find out you hate Leo’s touch to that point, it’d be the end of it. Am I right?”

Adam parts his lips, anxious to reply with something, whatever, anything to tell Blaine he’s wrong, that he doesn’t know him and he doesn’t have the right to assume things about him, but he’s just halfway through the thought when he realizes Blaine’s just right. He got him. It’s just like that, and that’s why he finds the thought of Leo actually touching him so terrified. Because, what if he just hates it? What if he can’t stand it? How can they go on, still be an item, if Adam finds out that there’s no way he could let Leo touch him without squirming?

He has no idea how he would react, and finding out in such a situation terrifies him. That’s the whole thing. And Blaine saw it, he sees right through him, he just _knows_ it, and Adam has no idea how he does it, but the mere fact that he manages amazes him, and scares him, and at the same time makes him feel comfortable, and somehow protected. Despite also feeling so naked and helpless under his all-knowing eyes.

“You’re right,” he admits, nodding slowly, “And I don’t know what to do.”

Blaine’s smile is sweeter, more sympathetic than it’s ever been. “You can start by closing your eyes,” he suggests.

Adam glares at him. “You’re not gonna do anything funny, are you?”

“I hope I’m going to do something _fun_ ,” Blaine chuckles. “Come on! Relax!” he invites Adam, rubbing his hands up Adam’s thighs, “It’s going to feel good, I promise.”

“I could still find it unbearable and kick you away,” Adam reminds him, resting more comfortably against the back of the chair.

“Yes, you could,” Blaine nods, and then smiles again, “But I hope you don’t. And not because I want to jerk you off, but because somehow, don’t ask me why, I want this to work out for you. For both of you, I mean. I appreciate your passion, your… dedication. Leo should be proud of you.”

“Well,” Adam smiles uneasily, unable to stop himself from blushing, “I hope he will, once I learn how to fuck properly.”

“We’re going to get there,” Blaine promises, nodding to himself. “Now, close your eyes and relax. Picture whatever you feel comfortable with. I’m not going to rush. Take your time and enjoy.”

Adam nods and closes his eyes, breathing deeply in and out and waiting for Blaine’s fingers to touch him, actually curious to see what kind of images they’re gonna trigger in his mind.

He’s not surprised, nor even disappointed, when the first image that comes to his mind once he feels Blaine’s fingertips on himself is actually Blaine kneeling between his legs. He blushes wildly, but he figures, biting at his bottom lips as he feels Blaine’s fingers run up and down on him, Blaine doesn’t need to know why.

The fact is, Leo pushes him over the edge so easily. Whenever he thinks about him, he just feels overwhelmed. He means so much to him. He’s all Adam’s been able to think about since he hit puberty. There were breaks in between one period of deep crushing over Leo and another, but still, that’s all they were. Breaks. Before them, there was Leo, and while they were happening Adam knew that after them Leo will still be there. Impossible to forget, impossible to get over.

He never liked any other boy, not a real one anyway. Sometimes his mind would come up with something, some fantasy guy, while he jerked off, and sometimes Blaine would pop up unannounced, especially when he and Leo were together, but those were just fantasies. Adam knows he’s never felt any attraction towards any guy who wasn’t Leo.

He doesn’t know what this makes of him. He’s almost sure he’s not gay, maybe he’s bisexual, but he wouldn’t know. He’s never been good with labels, which is why he learned how to define just a few and then stuck to them all his life. He doesn’t know how his sexual orientation could be described, he just knows Leo makes him crazy. He wants him, he wants all of him. He wants to be by his side, he wants to be his boyfriend, he wants to be able to touch him, to let him touch himself. He wants to give him pleasure, and he wants it so much the thought’s almost overwhelming. He can’t stand it. He can’t stand that there’s a chance he could fail. That he and Leo could just be incompatible. He knows it’s a possibility, but he’s not ready to accept it as actually possible. So he pushes the thought far away from himself, he buries it deep in his mind, in that place where he never looks, and he hopes that, keeping it there long enough, it’ll disappear.

So now that Blaine’s fingers dance on him, it makes sense that it’s Blaine’s face dancing beyond his eyelids.

Blaine’s easier to handle. Adam doesn’t care about giving pleasure to him. He’s grateful for what he’s doing, but honestly, he doesn’t even care that much about him as a person. He doesn’t go as far as thinking that he wouldn’t care anything even if Blaine died, or anything like that, but still, what Blaine does, what he thinks, how he feels, it’s none of his concern.

He’s just a beautiful, convenient thing to focus on while jerking off.

Before he knows it, he’s arching against the chair, he’s panting heavily, he’s holding onto Blaine’s shoulders as wild shivers shake his whole body, and before he knows it, he’s coming between Blaine’s fingers, shooting suddenly and uncontrollably, staining his shirt in white. The vague knowledge of having done something ridiculous only reaches him when he hears Blaine’s faint laughter, but it’s not until he opens his eyes and tries to focus on him that he really knows what happened.

“Jeez…” he makes a face, letting go of Blaine’s shoulders to reach out for some paper napkins on the table, passing a couple on to him, “I’m sorry.”

“Ah, don’t worry,” Blaine chuckles, accepting the napkins and using them to wipe Adam’s orgasm off himself, “I’ve seen worse.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Adam laughs, standing up from the chair to pull his pants up.

“One day, I’ll tell you,” Blaine teases him, “When you grow up.”

“Thanks, but no, thanks,” Adam laughs again. He sits back down because he doesn’t think his legs can keep him steady just yet, and he sighs, relieved.

Blaine smiles and walks back to the opposite side of the table, sitting down too. “So?” he asks, “How was it?”

“I don’t need to tell you,” Adam smirks, “You already know.”

“True,” Blaine chuckles, “So, how are you feeling now?”

Adam rests his elbows on the table, taking some moments to gather his thoughts. “Good, I guess,” he admits, “I thought it’d be worse. Like, that I’d feel dirty, or something.”

“But you don’t?” Blaine tries, looking at him and smiling.

Adam smiles back and shakes his head. “I don’t.”

“Mission accomplished, then,” Blaine chuckles, standing up once again and retrieving the mug, still half-filled with now cold chocolate. “I’ll see you soon, I guess?”

“Wait, what?” Adam frets, panicking, “You’re kicking me out already? Shouldn’t we, I don’t know, talk about it? Like, go through what happened and try to understand why—”

“Adam!” Blaine chuckles, turning around and leaning against the kitchen counter as he looks at the kid with amusement and fondness, “Go home! Go to your boyfriend! You don’t need to talk, you need to do. Believe me, it’ll be fine.”

Adam nods and sighs, kind of unwillingly standing up. It’s true that, now that he knows he _can_ actually be touched by a man and find it pleasant, he’s less terrified than he was before. But it’s still not enough to say he’s not terrified at all. 

Somehow, though, he’s got to believe it’s going to get better. And, right now, it only feels true if it’s Blaine saying it.


	5. 5. “Can I draw you?”

Adam’s expression, the day after, is enough on its own to let Blaine know something’s different.

“My, my,” he says, standing on the doorway, his hands on his hips, playfully stopping Adam from advancing any further, “What’s with you? You’ve got the looks of somebody who just had Christmas, New Year’s Eve and Easter all wrapped up together.”

“Shut up!” Adam laughs, his cheeks turning pinker as he pushes Blaine back, “Let me in!”

“Only if you promise to tell me what happened!” Blaine retorts, moving aside to let him pass, “So I can do the same.”

“Like hell you’re doing the same,” Adam chuckles embarrassedly, as Blaine closes the door behind them.

“Ah,” the man smiles, leading him to the couch and sitting down, gesturing him to do the same, “I take somebody finally got what they wanted.”

“You can say that,” Adam laughs again. He seems unable to control himself.

“So?” Blaine insists, playfully hitting Adam’s shoulder with his fist, “Tell me!”

“Okay, okay,” Adam nods, turning towards him and settling more comfortably on the couch. “So, yesterday I had classes in the afternoon, so, after I run out of here, I rushed to school and turned my phone off. Leo hadn’t heard from me since morning, and he tried to call me, but of course I didn’t know that. The moment classes are over, I run back home, and there he is, pouty and bored and sitting on the couch surrounded with all those silly old comic books he knows by heart but still keeps reading when he feels not adored enough… and he’s to die for, I swear.”

“I bet,” Blaine laughs, “Was he half-naked or something?”

“He’s not like you, he doesn’t need to be half-naked to be sexy,” Adam points out. Blaine doesn’t say it out loud, but he remembers enough to know it’s true. “He was just… sitting there, all curled up in a ball, and his lips were all… you know how.”

“I do,” Blaine smiles.

“And his face, I mean, his eyes, you know.”

“Yes,” Blaine chuckles, a little sadly, knowing Adam won’t get it anyway, “I know.”

“And, I mean. It just happened,” Adam says, his voice dreamy as if he still couldn’t believe it, “It just happened and it felt so great. I was, like, approaching the whole thing in a completely different way, and he kinda felt it, I guess, because he moved differently too. It was so much more relaxing, so much more pleasant, I just let myself go with the flow and he did it too, it just felt so nice and… right,” he smiles, leaning back against the couch, “It was just right.”

Blaine smiles tenderly, reaching out to stroke Adam’s shoulder. “I knew it would—”

“Of course I refused to jerk him off and that kind of upset him,” Adam says, shrugging carelessly, “But I was good with everything else, so in the end he didn’t complain much.”

“What?!” Blaine almost chokes on his own breath, “Adam!”

“Well, you all can’t expect me to be perfect after less than a couple of weeks of training!” Adam snorts, crossing his arms over his chest, “I’m getting there, but I need time!”

“But you already did it,” Blaine points out, flailing his arms in the air in disbelief, “You already jerked me off, it was, like, the first thing you did after you walked in here!”

“Yeah, I know!” Adam glares at him, “I remember that! And I remember what you told me afterwards, which is why I didn’t do it with Leo!”

Blaine stares at him for a couple of seconds, bewildered and unable to understand what Adam’s referring to. “Don’t try and put the blame on me, Adam!” he complains, “I’m the one who’s trying to help!”

“I know! But you’re also the one who told me I needed practice,” Adam says, lowering his eyes in embarrassment, “Which means I’m not good enough yet.”

It takes him a couple of moments, but in the end Blaine finally remembers what Adam’s talking about, and he sighs. Sure, he told Adam he needed practice, but it was nothing but a joke. And even if it was serious, he could have never expected Adam to be influenced by it so much as to keep refusing to touch Leo, even when asked to do so.

“Adam…” he starts, passing a hand over his face. He contemplates the possibility to tell him that was nothing but a joke and send him back home right away, but if he did Adam would probably get so angry he’d punch him in the face. Blaine doesn’t want to be punched in the face. Being punched in the face is painful and can cause scars, headaches, even dental surgery if the case is bad enough. There’s no way he can afford to be punched in the face, right now – or ever –, so he decides to keep the real nature of his remark secret. “Alright,” he starts off again with a sigh, “I get it. You’re insecure, you need professional help. Luckily, I’m professional enough.”

“Yeah, nobody’s a better jerk,” Adam grins.

Blaine glares at him and punches him on his shoulder. “Shut up and watch closely, you ungrateful little twat. God forbid you might actually _learn_ something, for a change.”

“Okay, okay!” Adam chuckles, lazily massaging his shoulder, “So, how are you gonna teach me, this time?”

“By combining the best model and the best teacher you could possibly find on the market,” Blaine smirks, unbuttoning his pants and lifting his ass up from the couch to pull them down his thighs.

“And I guess both happen to be you,” Adam says with a smirk, arching his eyebrows as he looks down at Blaine.

“Of course,” Blaine nods, “Easy, fast, clean. Only the best for my customers.”

“Stop trying to sound like a whore!” Adam bursts into laughing, slapping Blaine on his nape.

“Who says I’m _trying_?” Blaine retorts, pretending to be incredibly outraged, even though he’s laughing too. “Alright, now, stop messing around. Look at me, I’m going to show you how to touch men to make them feel good.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t decide to use me as a model,” Adam says, sticking out his tongue at Blaine, “I would have said yes, you just lost a golden opportunity to put your hands on me.”

“Oh, please,” Blaine laughs, “As if you’d stay lucid enough to actually _listen_ to my advices if I put my hands on you.”

“Hey!” Adam playfully pouts, “I’m lucid!”

“Sure,” Blaine says, “ _Oh, Blaine, this was mind-blowing_!” he goes on, imitating Adam’s voice, “Does that ring a bell?”

“Shut up!” Adam giggles, hitting him again, “Let’s get on with this.”

“Alright, alright,” Blaine giggles too, looking down as he lowers his underpants, uncovering himself. He’s not hard yet, but he doesn’t seem bothered by it. “Pay attention, now,” he says, and Adam focuses on him. It kind of surprises him to realize this is the first time he actually cares to look at Blaine, to really _look_ at him, study his features, the shape of his cock, its length, its color, the way it gradually changes, getting longer and bigger, as Blaine carefully strokes himself. It’s absurd and ridiculous that, despite the countless occasions he already had to take some time to look at him, he never could be bothered enough to do it. It upsets him, in a way – he still doesn’t know which, and he’s still not sure he wants to.

“Is it gonna take long?” he asks, actually worried that Blaine could answer no. But Blaine glares at him.

“Are you complaining, already?” he growls, “Are you bored?”

“Not at all,” Adam answers, looking up at him, meeting his eyes with honesty.

Blaine’s so surprised by that look that, at first, he doesn’t even know how to take it. He frowns, trying to understand if perhaps he missed something he should have noticed before, but nothing comes to mind. “It’s going to take as long as it’s going to take,” he says, still looking down at Adam, wondering about the meaning behind that clear, straightforward gaze, “You have to learn the value of patience.”

“I’m not a very patient person,” Adam smiles apologetically, looking back down at Blaine’s hand, now firmly closed in a fist around his hard length, “I guess that’s why I’m not good at sex.”

“Patience doesn’t pay off that well, in sex,” Blaine considers, stroking himself slowly, as if he was still just warming up, “Love, though, that’s completely different.”

“Well, we’re talking ‘bout sex, here, though, aren’t we?” Adam chuckles, looking up again.

Blaine casts him a tender, almost compassionate look, smiling quickly. “You’re so stupid,” he comments with a small laughter.

“God, can’t you go on ten minutes without insulting me?” Adam frowns, offended.

Blaine laughs again. “I’m sorry, it wasn’t meant to be insulting. I kind of find that part of you amusing, even sweet. You just don’t get it, do you?”

“What?” Adam sighs, looking down at Blaine’s cock again, finding the way his slender fingers run swiftly over its length way more interesting than his face, now, “What is it that I don’t get?”

“You’ve had sex with how many people? Ten? A dozen? A hundred, a thousand?”

“Hey, now—”

“Leo’s not one of them,” Blaine smiles, interrupting him carelessly, “He’s the one you make love with.”

Adam looks up at him, blushing for a moment, and then looks back again. “What difference does it make?”

“That it’s not a quick fuck we’re talking about, here,” Blaine explains, holding his cock in his hands and letting it slide between his closed fingers, “You’ve got to go slow, you’ve got to be careful. You’ve got to be respectful, you’ve got to move not towards your own pleasure, but towards your partner’s.”

“So…” Adam asks, passing his tongue over his lips and then biting at them as he watches the head of Blaine’s cock emerge and then disappear between the man’s fingers, hypnotized by the movements of his hands, “It doesn’t matter if I like it? My first priority should be that Leo does?”

“The thing is, it should come natural, Adam,” Blaine smiles faintly, resting his head on the back of the couch as his strokes grow faster, pre-cum already starting to leak out of his cock, sticking to his fingers and making his whole length shiny and wet in the morning light illuminating the room, “And it will become, as it happened with taking care of yourself. You’ll see. Sooner or later he won’t have to ask for you to touch him. You’ll _want_ to do it.”

Adam’s not that sure it’ll happen. There’s a voice, in the back of his head, that keeps repeating him that he hasn’t been made for this. That he’s not supposed to find this pleasant, or entertaining, or even intriguing and curious. He shouldn’t like this at all, but somehow it’s hard to remember just _why_ he shouldn’t, as the moving images he’s seeing dive deeply into his brain, morphing into the only language of beauty he can understand, the one of static pictures, of vivid colors, of plastic positions that can stick with you for days after you’ve seen them.

Blaine’s cock is so hard Adam can almost feel it under his fingertips. Blaine’s fingers are closed so tightly around himself they almost shake with strain. The muscles of Blaine’s thighs are tense, his abs keep contracting and then relaxing, showing their outline through his fair, mildly tan skin and then disappearing leaving only a vague trace that Adam keeps following with his eyes even after it’s gone, like footprints in the sand that he knows are there, even though he can’t see them anymore.

Mesmerized, unwilling to control his own eyes, Adam looks up at Blaine’s face, and he’s forced to swallow hard, amazed, at the sight of the man’s closed eyes, of his relaxed features, of the plump, red curve of his lips, that he keeps biting and licking as he keeps stroking himself.

There’s something in the way Blaine moves, in the way he looks now. There’s a deep, fond kind of love for himself that leaks through his every gesture, and for once it has nothing to do with his hypertrophic ego or the absurdly, inconceivably fond opinion Blaine has of himself. It’s just tenderness, some sort of sympathy, a special kindness that Blaine imposes on his fingers when they’re touching himself.

A special kindness, Adam realizes just now, he felt on himself too, when Blaine was touching him.

Somehow, everything’s clearer, now. And he kind of feels stupid for not getting it before, but that’s something he’s starting to get used to, when around Blaine. 

The problem is not in the way he fucks. There’s no never-heard-of technique Blaine can teach him, no special trick, no magical gift he can bestow upon him, that will make him a better lover. Only love can. The only thing Blaine can help him with, is to try and make him ready to let that love flow out of himself and over Leo. Try and make him comfortable enough with his body to embrace Leo’s, try and make him confident enough to do anything Leo could ask for without Leo having to ask at all.

When Adam’s eyes rise again on Blaine’s face, maybe it’s because for the first time he feels like he’s really _seeing_ Blaine for who he is, he finds him so beautiful that his heart throbs violently. He’s almost startled by it, by the furious quake shaking his mind. Blaine’s lost, abandoned, exhausted expression as he comes teaches him more on its own that all the man’s words ever will, and it’s gorgeous to look at enough for the question to slip out of Adam’s mouth before he can even realize he wants to ask it. “Can I draw you?”

Blaine, who was still stroking and teasing himself slowly, even after his orgasm, stops moving abruptly, and turns to look at him with bewildered, surprised eyes. At first, Adam doesn’t even get why he should be so shocked by such an obvious question, because in his head that’s just what it is, an obvious question. Adam always draws the things he likes. It’s automatic for him, as it is drinking when you’re thirsty, eating when you’re hungry, sleeping when you’re drowsy. It’s equally natural and equally necessary, it’s an instinct he’s got to satisfy, there’s no other option, except obsessing over it until he can have it done.

So, that Blaine could look at him as if he didn’t even understand what he meant is something that Adam just can’t get. He keeps looking at the man, blinking, expecting him to say something, already. “Excuse me?” Blaine finally asks, standing up from the couch and pulling up his pants before he starts walking towards the kitchen sink to wash his hands.

Adam stands up too, following him around as if he was scared he’d disappear if he let him out of his sight. “Can I draw you?” he repeats, hoping for Blaine to get it already.

“I have no idea why you would ask something like that,” Blaine chuckles, drying his hands on a rug and then turning to look at Adam, an amused expression on his face and a hand on his hip, “And I honestly have no idea how to answer.”

“With a yes?” Adam tries, and Blaine laughs. “I’m serious!” he insists, then, “I mean, I liked the way you looked right there,” he says, pointing a finger towards the couch, “I want to capture that.”

“You should’ve thought about it while I was still jerking off, then,” Blaine smirks.

“I was busy!” Adam protests, “Looking at you, learning stuff. You told me I should pay attention, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Blaine smiles fondly, “I did.”

“And I complied!” Adam nods, “I paid attention, and I actually learned stuff. So, can I draw you now? It’ll only take five minutes, I promise! I just want to sketch you, I’ll finish it at home, it’ll be over before you even notice!”

“Don’t you think it’s kind of weird, though?” Blaine asks in an uneasy laughter, passing a hand through his hair and then over his neck. Adam follows the movement as if enraptured by it, and Blaine notices. “Adam.”

“Please,” he just says, searching for Blaine’s eyes again, “I know what you’re thinking, and yes. That’s how I work. I see something I like, I can’t think of anything else until I get it on my sketchbook, and I liked what I’ve seen back there very much. I know it’s weird and really, I don’t mean to impose, but please. Let me do that.”

Blaine looks at him for a couple of seconds, sighing deeply as he drops his arm and then hooks his thumbs in the belt loops of his still unbuttoned and unzipped pants. When he sees Adam’s gaze following that movement with hungry eyes too, he understands there’s no way out of this unless he gives him what he wants, and nods. “Five minutes tops,” he warns him, waving his index finger at him, “I’ll count.”

Adam nods quickly. “Do that,” he says. He doesn’t understand, though, if it’s meant to reassure Blaine, or himself.


	6. 6. “You know the way, don’t you?”

Adam doesn’t feel it change right away. He’s too caught up with what he’s seeing, with what he’s doing, to notice how his body’s reacting to it. It’s weird, because it feels like being split in two, his mind directly connected to his hand and to the rough, unclean outlines he’s drawing on the page, scratching its perfect whiteness with cuts and bruises, lines and stains, lights and shadows, and the rest of his body working on its own, his skin tingling with excitement, his muscles tensing to keep the right position on the stool, his teeth nibbling at his lips with nervous anticipation. And yes, his cock getting hard too.

It’s not that it hasn’t ever happened to him. Actually, drawing gave him some of the hugest hard-ons of his whole life. That one time when he had Annie sit on a stool with her legs parted and only a pair of shorts on, her hands busy holding an unfinished canvas of his up over her head as she looked at it from upside down is legendary, Annie and Leo still talk about it every now and then, about the fact that he was so hard he actually couldn’t sit anymore and had to keep sketching her standing.

Drawing’s what works best with him, which is probably why nothing Leo does to deliberately try and make him horny ever works. Leo’s always trying so hard. Adam understands he actually enjoys trying that hard – like, walking out of the shower and walking around him still naked and wet, or putting on unbelievably tight pants even though he’s not used to them and doesn’t even like them at all and so on –, that he has some kind of fun doing it, but sometimes Adam just wishes Leo would get it, already.

It’d be so easy to turn him on. He’d just have to lie down and let him draw him, but no, Leo’s too restless for that, he gets bored too easily and quickly to endure the unbearable torture that standing still for five minutes is. So, when he really wants to get fucked to the point he can’t wait anymore, he keeps walking around half-naked, even though he doesn’t need to show some skin to look sexy, and push himself on Adam harder and harder, even though he surely doesn’t need to be pushy to let Adam know he wants to have sex, and nothing of that ever works on Adam, and they always end up fighting.

It’d be so much better if Leo could just calm down, sometimes. Just wait for him to do the first step. Just stay there, where Adam can see him, and wait for arousal naturally start pumping through Adam’s veins. It would happen anyway, in its own time. But Leo always has got to have it when he says so, and he accepts nothing less. And those are the times when Adam thinks they’re never going to really work on the long distance. Though it’s a thought he keeps for himself.

Blaine hasn’t spoken once since Adam started drawing him. Adam guesses that’s why it’s being so pleasant to do it. The sitting room is plunged in silence, the only light noise filling the void being the quick, scratchy sounds coming from the tip of Adam’s pencil as he draws. Blaine’s sitting still on the couch, his legs stretched and barely parted, his bare chest moving up and down with his breaths, his hands resting lazily on his hips, his thumbs still hooked in the belt loops of his pants. He’s silent and he’s had nothing to do for actually way more than five minutes already – Blaine didn’t stop him when the time was up, and Adam figured it was alright to just go on – but he doesn’t seem bored, nor impatient to get up and move and do something already.

It’s fascinating, the way he looks. His eyes, so alive despite the unnatural stillness of his body. Adam knows Blaine was a model, for a short period of his life. Leo told him something about it, even showed him some photographs. Not that he didn’t like them, but photography never did much for him. It lacks the fierce strength of hand drawing, in his opinion. So he remembers those shots as interesting and kind of sexy, but nothing more. 

The way Blaine’s glowing now, that’s the real thing. That’s a thing of beauty. His strong, masculine features, the squared line of his jaw, the perfectly shaped outline of each and every single muscle showing underneath his skin, the way he so nonchalantly poses for him, diving into it, getting lost in the moment.

The line of Blaine’s collarbone, the curve of his shoulders, the tension in his neck. Those details, Adam could worship them for hours. Drawing is his way of praying, and right now he feels as if he was chanting hymns for his own, personal God, a secret one, made more precious by the fact that he feels like His only believer, His only follower.

He wishes he could see Leo this way too. But he starts acting out and fidgeting so soon Adam never really manages to get there in time, with him.

He’s a slow burner, Leo’s like a firework. Sometimes it just hurts to watch him take flight and explode up in the air while he’s still locked on the ground.

He doesn’t want to think about this, now, though. Not now that he can so easily concentrate on something that’s actually able to give him some joy with no sorrow at all. Adam guesses this is one of the perks of actually having a fuck-buddy, if that’s what Blaine is. Love has a tendency to be overwhelming, and overwhelming things always come with more than just pleasure. Love has its ups and downs, and depending on how high the ups are, the downs can be low as hell. Adam and Leo have pretty low downs.

He doesn’t have downs with Blaine. Everything’s always up with him, in actually a lot of ridiculous and pleasant ways. Love sometimes just stands in the way and he’s happy it doesn’t stand between them.

He just feels comfortable, when Blaine’s around, despite all the weird shit they do. Which is why, when he puts down the pencil and sighs in relief, smiling at himself and at his job, he can’t help but laugh a little as Blaine says “You’re hard,” with a small chuckle of his own.

“Yeah, I know,” he admits, stretching out, “Happens all the time.”

“Adolescence?” Blaine laughs, standing up and finally buttoning his pants, reaching out for the shirt he abandoned on the back of the couch what seems like hours ago. 

“Don’t think so,” Adam shrugs, shaking his head, “I’ve never been that kind of guy.”

“You mean the kind of guy who gets a boner looking at something sexy while in his teens?” Blaine asks, arching an eyebrow, “Who _isn’t_ that kind of guy? Is it even possible not to be that kind of guy?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Adam chuckles, shrugging again, “I can only speak for myself and it doesn’t really happen a lot to me to get hard just because of a naked body. I need something else.”

“Something I could provide, I take?” Blaine says, his lips curling into a smug smile.

“Yeah,” Adam laughs, “Something like that. Listen, can I use the bathroom?”

“Are you really asking?” Blaine laughs out loud, “You’re so hard you can’t even walk, of course you can use the bathroom. Unless you want me to take care of it.”

“I’m a big boy,” Adam chuckles, “I can take care of it myself.”

“Yes, I know you can,” Blaine nods and smiles. “You know the way, don’t you?”

Of course he does, Adam thinks as he heads towards the bathroom, passing through the bedroom. It amazes him the amount of time he already managed to spend in this place. Before coming here, he was sure he wouldn’t have lasted five minutes. He was willing to try – because there’s nothing he isn’t willing to do for Leo – but he was sure as hell he couldn’t stand it. Blaine’s always been a complicated matter, with him, what with being Leo’s first love _and_ lover, the object of his jealousy for years and the subject of some of the dirtiest fantasies he ever had, especially considering he’s never been one for dirty fantasies at all.

That’s why he was sure he couldn’t stand to be in the same room with him – let alone let him touch him or worse –, but apparently he was wrong. Blaine’s still not the kind of person Adam would hang out with if he wasn’t forced by circumstances, he’s smug and full of himself and he’s kind of threatening in a subtle, mischievous way Adam’s not sure he understands well, but he’s far from the ugly, unbearable monster his memories had changed him into.

He’s understanding, he’s somewhat kind, somewhat considerate about people’s feelings – something both him and Leo, and even Annie in some way, don’t share at all, and which Adam firmly believes comes from his age –, he’s somehow a good man. Adam wouldn’t go as far as calling him respectable, or even nice, but he’s a good man.

He likes to think so— he _has_ to think so, if he wants to keep the guilt of actually spend time with him and enjoying it at bay. He thick-minded and, as Annie likes to say, there’s not a single thing conceived after Nineteenth century that he can really accept and understand, but even he knows what’s really going on between him and Blaine. He knows this stopped being a teacher/student thing long ago, if ever it was one. There’s some sort of weird friendship between them, some vague communion based probably on the fact that they’ve been in love with the same person for more time than they care to admit with other than themselves. They understand each other on a basic, almost molecular level, and Adam knows this is part of the attraction he feels towards him.

That’s something he needed days to accept. That there’s something drawing him towards Blaine, that he actually finds him attractive in more ways than one, that somehow, sometimes, even his worst flaws can be so damn fascinating and intriguing, when he lets himself see him in the right light.

Blaine’s goodness and his badness are both equally attractive. Adam likes what’s good in him best, most of the times. Sometimes, though, Blaine turns to look at him and the wicked light in his eyes is sexier than anything Adam’s ever seen in his life.

Knowing him better made it not hard at all to finally understand why Leo fell so hard for him in first place. And Adam doesn’t know if it’s helping him or not with his present situation, but it sure is helping him to cope with years and years of neglect and indifference that have been weighing heavily on his shoulders for quite some time now.

Once in the bathroom, he takes some time for himself to really think about all this, and the only thing he can come up with after it is that he’s really thankful. He’s thankful for having Leo, for the years he had to wait to get him that started preparing him for the hardness he’d have to endure once he became his boyfriend, he’s thankful for all of Leo’s bitching and whining because it means he’s still expecting something from him and he’s not yet taking him for granted despite him having been the kind of friend you always take for granted for years, he’s thankful for his thick mind that always puts barriers on his path and he’s thankful for his stubbornness that always helps him jump over them when he’s ready for it. He’s thankful for not being stupid to the point of not being able to realize he needed help to overcome his issues, and he’s thankful to life for pushing Blaine on his way, because honestly, he can’t think of a better way to help himself getting better than putting himself in Blaine’s hands.

As he leans against the sink and slips his hand past the waistband of his pants, rubbing his warm fingers against his hardness and feeling it grow and throb under his fingertips, hot blood pumping through it, making it stiff and ready to the point of almost aching, he turns his brain off as he recently learned to do, and lets himself free to fantasize. In his head, Leo’s and Blaine’s faces almost merge, turn into something different, morph into a new person, one that holds in himself all the best qualities of them both, shaping out of the fog a perfect somebody that Adam wouldn’t want to be with for all the money in the world, if this was real life, but that he finds incredibly hot to think about as a fantasy.

As he lets his fingers close and then move up and down along his shaft, he gives in to pleasure, and he’s aware of everything. Of the tingling sensation crackling underneath his skin, of the deep, wild pleasure pooling up in his underbelly, of the light, lost moans escaping his lips every time his fingertips touch the oversensitive head of his cock, bringing him closer and closer to his climax by the second.

He’s aware of everything, except the half-closed door behind his back, and the hungry eyes spying on it from beyond it.


	7. 7. “What the hell were you thinking, sneaking up on me like that?”

Blaine has never been good at resisting temptations.

When he was in first grade, Mrs. Bellemare gave everybody ten candies, all wrapped up in the cutest, most colorful paper Blaine had ever seen. The fruit and sugar smell was so strong it drenched the air, making it almost sticky and sweet enough for Blaine to feel the taste on his tongue.

The candies were supposed to make it easier for them to learn about additions and subtractions, and Mrs. Bellemare had been very clear in saying they weren’t supposed to be eaten, except one that she would let them choose during the break. There was one, though, a strawberry flavored candy wrapped in black, purple-spotted paper, that Blaine couldn’t resist to. The smell was so strong and good it kept catching his attention, and in a little while that smell was all he could think about. The numbers Mrs. Bellemare was talking about stopped making sense, the only thing he wanted was to unwrap that candy and eat it, suck at it, feel it melt on his tongue. He could already taste it in his mouth, and he couldn’t stop stomping his feet on the ground nervously in anticipation.

He wanted to wait for the break, he really did, but it was either eating the candy right there or go crazy counting every single second to the bell ringing, something that could prove particularly difficult considering that, at the time, he didn’t know how to count past fifty and it was still at least two hours before the break.

He had eaten the candy right there. He had unwrapped it, put it in his mouth and put his rubber inside the paper, so that it seemed the candy was still there when it wasn’t. During the break, when Mrs. Bellemare had asked him to choose one of his candies to eat and give the others back to her, he could have lied to save his own ass. He could have chosen the candy he had already eaten and nobody would ever have noticed, but there was another candy, a banana flavored one wrapped in blue papers with small unicorns and rainbows printed on it, and he wanted to eat that too. So he chose that, and left his rubber wrapped in black and purple-spotted paper to his teacher.

Of course she had found out, and he was scolded for disobeying and lying.

He had never regretted it, though, nor he had changed in the slightest in the years to come, to be honest.

Leo was another temptation he just wasn’t able to resist. The teenage son of his high school sweetheart, somebody he should have stayed well far off, and yet, when the occasion presented itself, when Leo basically threw himself at him, made desperate by years of yearning and an unmistakable need to just throw the unbearable weight of his own unexpressed fantasies off his shoulders, despite knowing it wasn’t the right thing to do, Blaine still let it happen.

He should’ve passed, he should’ve told Leo “you know what, kid? I know what you’re going through, I get that you’ve been aching for it for years already, but I’m not the right person, I’m too old, you’re too young, it’s not safe for either of us, let’s just not go there”, but the kid smelled too good, he tasted too sweet, he was just too damn inviting to decline the offer, just like that candy. And, just like with the candy, when the offer was repeated – again and again, so much that it soon became an habit – he should’ve covered his ass and say “no, thanks”, but of course he couldn’t. Temptations aren’t so easy to avoid when you’re not used to deprive yourself.

So, when Adam disappears into the bathroom, the moral question actually rises in Blaine’s mind. They’ve been sharing a lot, the kid and him, in the last few days, he’s sure that, if Adam wanted to share this too, he wouldn’t have minded jacking himself off right there on that stool, so it’s pretty clear he just wanted to have a moment for himself, to do that privately. This of course makes it easy for Blaine to realize he shouldn’t go spying on him.

But then again, temptations. Adam’s one, Adam’s definitely one. It’s not as if Blaine wouldn’t have dozens of men just waiting for him to grace them with a glimpse of his cock, if he just wanted to bother walking out the door and look around. It’s just that he finds Adam so much more interesting than any of them.

He’s used to have men throwing themselves at him. Sad as it is to say that about the person he loved the most in his entire life, Leo was the same too. In his childish eyes there was the same kind of desperate hunger Blaine reads in the eyes of every man he walks by when he steps in a club or in a pub. They all look at him that way, they undress him with their eyes, they fantasize about him and they don’t even make an effort to hide it.

Adam’s always been different, he has always looked at him with different eyes. And though once there was only contempt in them, even back then Blaine could see that, sometimes, something different leaked in through the walls of hate Adam had built inside his mind.

Sometimes Adam just looked at him as if he was a picture he was already drawing in his head. And Blaine can’t say it didn’t feel amazing to be looked like that _for real_ while Adam was sketching him just a few moments before.

Blaine takes a couple of moments to himself to drink some water and put an old t-shirt on. Passing by the kitchen, he notices it’s almost lunchtime. Adam’s probably not going to stay, but he could still try and make something to eat. Maybe some pasta, or a couple of sandwiches if there’s enough food in the refrigerator. Maybe, if he can manage to put his mind into something practical, he’ll stop thinking about Adam jerking off in the bathroom.

He walks to the refrigerator and opens it, peeking inside. No sounds come from the bathroom and he doesn’t know how to take this. He shouldn’t even think about it, of course, but still the complete lack of noises somehow makes him more curious to know what’s going on behind that door. Of course, he admits with a smirk, it wouldn’t be any different if Adam was screaming at the top of his lungs instead of being so silent and discreet. Deep inside, Blaine knows he’s just looking for excuses. He thinks he only wants to take a peek because of the silence, his conscience tells him he would want to take a peek even if there were noises, deep inside he just knows this has nothing to do with silence and noises whatsoever, he just wants to look at Adam.

So, after another couple of minutes of watching his curiosity quarrel against his moral in a faker fight than the ones he watches on the WWE, he just slams the refrigerator door closed and walks to the bathroom.

It’s amusing, though unexpected, to find the door half closed instead of locked from the inside. Adam’s shyness is world famous, so the fact that he actually left the door open means that he probably was in a hurry to stick his hands down his own pants. Or that he feels comfortable enough not to lock doors, in here. Or a combination of both.

Anyway, Blaine doesn’t waste more than thirty seconds thinking about the meaning of this open door. He’s just thankful it’s been left this way, because it makes it all the more easy for him to take a peek.

Adam’s standing there, one hand closed hard around the curvy edge of the white porcelain sink and the other wrapped firmly around himself. He’s stroking himself quickly, his lips parted and barely wet, only the softest, faintest moans escaping his mouth. No wonder Blaine couldn’t hear anything from the kitchen, he can barely hear anything from where he’s standing, even though Adam’s only inches away from him.

The movements of Adam’s hand quicken up all of a sudden. Blaine sees Adam’s teeth sink into his bottom lip, making it red and swollen almost instantly, and then his hand starts to move up and down faster, his knuckles almost white from how tight his grip is. The moans escaping Adam’s lips lose the softness that was making them almost melodious and turn into rougher, deeper growls, speaking a language Blaine’s more used to understand, a language his body seems made for recognizing. Those are the sounds he longs to hear coming out from a man’s lips, those restless, confused, grunting whispers men make when pleasure start to take over their presence of mind and they stop to bother about how ridiculous and animalistic they’ll sound if they lose control.

Amazing things can come from men who let themselves go with the flow when it comes to sex. If Blaine knows anything, it’s this. Because he experiences it himself daily, and it’s something he’d rather die than lose.

Ultimately, when he thinks about how and why he and Leo broke up, that’s probably the real reason hidden underneath the pile of shit they both shoveled onto each other for months before giving up. They had started out having sex with a different spirit. It was playful, it was somewhat meaningless, it was hot and rough and immature and stupid, and they had the time of their life. Then love came, as it usually does when you stick around enough for it to put down roots, and that drew the fire out of them. In time, that fire just went out, and Blaine couldn’t stand it, and Leo, which Blaine had unconsciously and carelessly shaped after himself for years, couldn’t stand it either.

It’s that kind of fire that makes Adam so attractive now. He’s new and raw and smells and feels untouched just as Leo did the first time Blaine laid hands on him. 

When it comes to it, Blaine probably just has to admit no love relationship ever worked in his life because he never wanted one to. Sex is easier, simpler. Doesn’t need much adjusting. It’s there, you take it, you don’t change anything of yourself or your life to make room for it. Sex takes you and then gives you back to yourself unchanged the morning after. It consumes you, and then you’re born again, but when you wake up you’re still yourself. You can start again, from the top, and repeat the same things, the same gestures, the same habits every night. No amount of sex can change you in the least – one day living with your lover will change you forever.

That’s just it. Adam’s body is speaking a language Blaine’s body has been aching to hear for years, already. The simple, easy need burning out of mindless, inconsequential lust. And so it’s no wonder to feel the same hunger, the same need arise in himself too when, for the first time since puberty, he manages to get a hard-on after such a short time from the last.

His skin is still oversensitive, when he touches it, and stroking himself, because of this, is almost as painful as it’s pleasant, but it feels good, overall. It’s just the kind of feeling he was searching for. It brings him back to when sex was stupid, when his best friend and him would jerk each other off to release some tension without having to worry about the consequence that knowing each other’s bodies so well could bring in their lives, in their relationship. It brings him back to when he could close his eyes, lie down on his bed and jerk off three times in an hour and still feel the need for more. It wasn’t completely pleasant back then either, sometimes it straight out hurt, even, but it was needed. He needed to feel helpless and tired and emptied out, he needed to fall limp on his bed and breathe so hard he was scared his parents could hear him from the other side of the house.

His mind is back to that moment of his life when he was reckless enough to search for pleasure at all costs, even if it could bring him problems, even if it could mean making a poor show of himself.

Which is why, when Adam’s about to come and suddenly changes position, probably tired of clinging that desperately to the sink, making it impossible for Blaine to keep looking at him easily, Blaine doesn’t care that he could be discovered; he just pushes himself forward a bit, leaning against the door to try and take another glimpse of Adam’s hardness disappearing between his fingers, and he completely forgets, despite it being obvious, that the half-open door can’t bear his weight without opening in full.

Making him trip and fall on Adam suddenly and heavily enough to press him against the wall.

“The fuck—” Adam gasps, lifting both his arms and pressing his hands against the tiled wall not to hit it with his face, “Blaine?!”

“I’m sorry!” Blaine yells, suddenly aware of his own ridiculousness and embarrassed like he’s never been in his whole life, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” he says, pulling himself away from Adam and lifting both his hands too in preemptive surrender.

“What— What the hell were you thinking, sneaking up on me like that?!” Adam barks, turning around and pressing his back against the wall in a desperate try to get as far away from him as he possibly can, “Shit— Are you completely out of your mind?! Pervert!”

“I said I’m sorry,” Blaine repeats, his eyes dropping down at Adam’s hands, fumbling with his pants to pull them up and cover himself, despite the aborted orgasm that left him still hard and unsatisfied, “Adam, listen, I was just—”

“I know exactly what you were doing!” Adam snorts, pushing him away from himself. Blaine backs off a couple of steps, struggling to keep himself steady on his legs. “I should’ve never come here in first place! I should’ve never trusted you! You’re nothing but a pig, you disgust me!”

“Adam!” Blaine calls out, opening his arms in bewilderment and moving back closer to him, “Would you just calm down? You’re—” he frowns as he notices tears of rage and embarrassment pooling in the corner of Adam’s eyes, “Adam, for Christ’s sake!” he cries out, putting his hands on Adam’s shoulders, “Calm down, already!”

“Let me go!” Adam shouts, trying to wriggle away from his grasp, “I said let me go!”

“Not until you’ve calmed down and we’ve discussed this!” Blaine insists, keeping him still against the wall.

“What’s to discuss about it?!” Adam growls, horrified, pressing his forearms against Blaine’s chest to keep him away, “What could you possible say that could make me change my mind on you spying on me like a fucking pervert when I clearly fucking wanted to be left alone?!”

And, as Adam asks, Blaine realizes that the answer is _nothing_. There’s nothing he can say to appear under a different light. Adam and him had an arrangement, and he just broken the only rule they hadn’t written down, because none of them ever thought something like that would happen.

There’s nothing he can say, but there’s one last thing he can do before watching Adam walk out of his house and his life in far worse terms than he had hoped for, and so he leans in, presses him against the wall to keep him still and kisses him hard, tilting his head to make the kiss even deeper when the demanding thrusts of his tongue manage to break through the resistance of Adam’s lips.

“No,” Adam murmurs against Blaine’s lips, his forearms pressing steadily against Blaine’s chest, “Let me go,” his voice nothing but a whisper as he stubbornly tries and keep his hips as far as possible from Blaine’s, embarrassed by his still raging hard-on.

“God, would you just shut up,” Blaine manages to say, his words muffled by the proximity of Adam’s lips. He lets his hands run down along Adam’s sides quite quickly, pressing them against Adam’s hips to prevent him from moving away. Then he just jerks his hips forward, and the moment they collide against Adam’s he feels him literally melt between his arms.

Adam lets go of a liquid, desperate moan, his arms reaching out for Blaine’s neck, wrapping themselves around it, clinging to it as he rubs himself against Blaine. “That’s not fair,” he says in a low, almost breaking voice. Blaine knows it’s right, but he’s so hard it’s almost painful to bear, and he doesn’t care for right or wrong, now. Judging by the way he moves, despite all the fuss he’s making, neither does Adam, and that’s just enough for Blaine not to feel guilty as he pulls Adam’s pants down and grabs his cock, stroking it quickly.

Adam’s whole body shakes with a wild shiver the moment Blaine’s fingers start to touch him. He moans loudly, his lips clashing against Blaine’s in more of a messy bite than a kiss. Blaine doesn’t even expect him to touch him back, he’s prepared to just jerk him off as some sort of an apology and come by rubbing himself against him, or even jerking himself off once Adam’s gone, so he’s both surprised and pleased when one of Adam’s hands quickly leaves his neck and rushes to his crotch, slipping past the waistband of his pants and trying to reach for his cock, struggling for a couple of moments before understanding he’s never going to get there until he strips him off his clothes.

“God,” Blaine exhales, pressing himself desperately against Adam’s hands as the younger man tugs at his pants, managing to unbutton them and push them down Blaine’s thighs, leaving him bare for just a couple of seconds, the only time he needs to wrap his fingers around him and stroke him at the same pace Blaine’s stroking him.

They don’t speak another word, after that. The bathroom’s silence quickly fills with the echo of their moans, grunts and gasps as they pull at each other, cling to each other, stroke each other faster and faster, now completely careless for why and how they ended up pressed against the bathroom wall masturbating each other and only focusing on their desperate, aching yearning for relief to finally come.

And it comes suddenly, unexpectedly. It comes with a wild quivering and a loud moaning. Adam bites at Blaine’s lips, Blaine digs his nails into the bare skin of Adam’s hips. They both growl in pain and pleasure, and when it’s over Adam falls back against the wall, forceless, and Blaine only barely manages to grab the edge of the sink and cling to it not to fall on the floor.

Blaine hears nothing but their heavy breathing for an amount of time he’s unable to measure. The frantic gasping dies down gradually, as soon as they both can control themselves again. That’s also when reality kicks back in, and it’s particularly hard to bear.

“Adam—”

“Shut up,” Adam interrupts him, glaring up at him with eyes filled with hate and resentment, “Move.”

He doesn’t hit Blaine, doesn’t even touch him, but as he steps back Blaine feels his whole body aching worse than if he had been beaten.

“I’m sorry,” he says, lowering his eyes.

“I don’t give a fuck,” Adam says sharply, passing by him, “Asshole.”

Blaine hears the front door slam closed less than a few minutes later. He’s reasonably sure he’ll never see Adam again, and he doesn’t even know how he feels about it.


	8. 8. “And you even dare to call yourself gay?”

Blaine needs two weeks to finally come to terms with the fact that Adam and him are probably better off. What was happening between them was weird and kind of creepy anyway, Blaine had started to anticipate Adam’s visits and, by the way Adam looked at him whenever he was around, it was clear he had started liking it way more than he should too.

It’s better this way, really. If, to get here, they had to get to the point of actually assaulting each other and then, still burnt by what had happened, decide it was better not to ever see each other again, well, that’s exactly what had to happen, and Blaine’s fine with it. It’s not like he doesn’t have a life of his own to take care of. It’s not like he doesn’t have friends – friends his age, friends that are not the new boyfriends of his ex-boyfriends – to hang out with. Sam has been pestering him for the last week incessantly, always asking when he was going to be free, when he was going to have some time to spend with her, when could she take him out for lunch to meet her new boyfriend. She already changed boyfriend thrice since the first time she asked him, it’s starting to become pointless to even ask again.

Blaine’s got things to do. He’s got people to see, clubs to hit, nights to fill with sex and booze until he knows his name no more. He’s busy – he _can_ be busy, he was busy before Adam came to wreak havoc on his life like a fucking tsunami. Blaine just has to manage to mentally go back to the place he was before Adam came. Such an emotionally safe place he longs for.

This, of course, doesn’t explain in the least the sudden, wild way his heart throbs the moment somebody rings his doorbell and, opening the door, he finds Adam behind it.

This is just plain not possible. Wasn’t this over? Wasn’t it obvious it had to be? Hasn’t been the way they parted last time clear enough to make them both understand it’s better this way? Does he have to clearly scream at the kid in the face not to show on his doorstep ever again?

“Adam,” he just whispers instead. And there’s something in his voice that’s enough for Adam to raise his gaze on him and blush, and then run away from his eyes just as quickly.

“Just don’t speak,” Adam growls stubbornly, pressing his hands on Blaine’s chest to move him out of the way. Blaine frowns, but lets him do what he wants, even if only to find out what he’s aiming for. Adam walks in, slams the door closed and paces the room nervously for a couple of seconds, and only then stops abruptly right in front of the couch, turns to look at Blaine and snorts, “You’re an asshole.”

Blaine’s lips curl in disappointment as he crosses his arms over his chest. “Charming as ever.”

“I’m serious,” Adam insists, looking away as he embarrassedly passes his fingers through his blond hair, “You shouldn’t have done it. Not that— Not that way. Christ,” he snorts, “If you wanted to do… _that_ so badly, why didn’t you just ask?! It’s not like I’ve got such a good record of denying you things.”

“Adam, it’s not like I planned it,” Blaine sighs, passing a hand over his face, “And it’s not like I spied on you because I wanted us to do things together. It just happened, sometimes things just happen and—”

“No!” Adam interrupts him, “No, see, that’s where you’re wrong, things like these don’t just _happen_ , you weren’t passing by and casually tripped into the bathroom, you were fucking spying on me! These things don’t happen, we _make them_ happen, you _made it_ happen! Man up and take responsibility, at least!”

“Alright!” Blaine yells, flailing his arms in frustration, “God almighty, you’re such a pest! I’m sorry, but I already told you! I don’t know what more you want from me, it’s not like I can turn back time and make it un-happen!”

“Exactly! That’s why you should’ve never done it in the first place, can’t you understand?!”

“I understand!”

“No, you don’t!” Adam insists, walking towards Blaine and grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. Blaine puts his hands on Adam’s to try and make him let him go, almost frightened by the violence of his reaction, but the moment their fingers touch Adam backs off, biting at his bottom lip. “You… shouldn’t have done it,” he repeats, looking away, “You shouldn’t have put me in that position. That was unfair. You knew you could do it, you could have had me on my fucking knees in no time, I didn’t believe it but you could have, and you took advantage of it, and that was unfair, and mean. And just when I was starting to think you a better person.”

Blaine sighs, looking down. He knows Adam’s right. He had a power over him, he always knew he had it. Not because of his looks and his charms, not even because he’s been Leo’s boyfriend, and surely not because of Adam’s conflicting feelings towards him. He was in a position of power – he was more expert, older, more aware than Adam was, more than he could ever hope to be – and he took advantage of it. He wanted him and he used the situation, Adam’s desperation and their own peculiar wicked relationship not to force him to have sex with him, but to make it impossible for him to not need it badly enough to put everything else aside and just give him exactly what he wanted.

It was unfair, it was mean, and it probably ruined everything forever. And it’s all his fault.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. This time, he really means it.

Adam sighs, his hands on his hips, looking sternly at him for another couple of moments. “You’re forgiven,” he says then.

Blaine looks up at him in total bewilderment. “Excuse me?”

“What are you, deaf?” Adam frowns, “You gonna make me say it again?”

“No, I…” Blaine swallows, “I’m just not really sure what’s happening here.”

“And then I’m the stupid one,” Adam sighs again, shaking his head. “I forgive you. You’ve been an asshole, but you honestly apologized and I know you understood what you did wrong,” he sighs again, looking away, blood suddenly flushing his cheeks, “Just, let’s make things very clear, from now on. Because I still need to work on myself, and I still need you, and I don’t think I can walk out of here, today, if I’m not sure I still have you by my side in this, but a thing like that cannot happen again. I’m okay if we wanna jerk off together a couple of times or so, that’s not the problem, it’s okay if it’s meaningless, but that was…” he swallows, “Too intense, and I can’t handle something like that with you again, ever. Am I making myself clear?” he asks, looking up at Blaine again. There’s no trace of embarrassment and uncertainty left in his eyes.

Blaine smiles sweetly, nodding in agreement. “You’re very brave,” he says, and Adam instantly looks away again.

“Shut up.”

“Alright,” Blaine chuckles softly, heading to the kitchen. “Want some coffee with whatever you’re going to tell me about what didn’t work between you and Leo in the last few days?”

“Hot chocolate?” Adam asks, eyes shining like a cat’s.

“Coming right up,” Blaine smiles, turning the stove on and fussing about the kitchen to prepare hot chocolate for two. “So?”

Adam sighs deeply, sitting at the table and crossing his arms on it. “I have no idea what happened,” he says, as horrible stills of the last nightmarish couple of days with Leo start crowding his head, “It’s like I completely lost control over everything you’ve taught me.”

“This could be my fault,” Blaine chuckles, dissolving the chocolate powder into the warming up milk, “I destabilized you. You weren’t in your right mind when you walked out of here.”

“Okay, but it’s ridiculous that I haven’t been able to get a hold of myself in the next days,” Adam insists, angry at himself, “Like… everything’s been a mess, since I stopped coming here! Every time we tried to have sex, something’s turned up wrong. Either I came too quickly, or he couldn’t get in the mood, or he was and I pulled him out of it, or I couldn’t even get hard! Can you believe it?” he almost yells, looking up at Blaine, “I couldn’t even get hard!”

“Adam!” Blaine laughs, pouring hot chocolate in two cups and offering Adam one, “Seems to me you’ve got some bad case of performance anxiety.”

“You saying I’m impotent?” Adam narrows his eyes, glaring at him.

“No,” Blaine chuckles, sitting down and sipping at his chocolate, “I’m just saying it’s possible that your visits here served more than just one purpose. You tend to work yourself up a lot, about sex, when Leo’s involved—”

“Of course I do, he’s insufferable!” Adam points out, “He’s overwhelming and demanding and challenging and I’m sure, if I ever have a nervous breakdown, it’s gonna be because of him!”

“Careful not to have one now, though,” Blaine laughs, “I’m unpredictable when I’m dealing with emotionally vulnerable kids.”

“Shut up and don’t joke about it,” Adam pouts, and then sighs, grabbing his hot chocolate cup and hiding into it. “I’m serious, and I’m scared.”

“And you’re making a big deal out of nothing, as usual,” Blaine smiles reassuringly, patting him on his head, “What I meant was that, if you work yourself up like this, of course your performances are doomed to suffer from it. When you used to come here, it was simpler: you came, I helped you out improving your technique, so to speak, and in the process you also managed to let some steam out. This way, when you went back home to Leo, you still weren’t one hundred percent sure of what you had to do to give him pleasure, but at least you were relaxed.”

Adam looks up at him and takes some time to let his words sink in, as he keeps drinking his chocolate. “So you’re saying I needed to jerk off here to feel less pressure there. Like when you have to wash last week’s dishes and you do half in the morning and half in the evening.”

“…let’s pretend you didn’t just say sometimes you find yourself in need to wash dishes left there in the sink for an _entire week_ ,” Blaine sighs, shaking his head, “That’s basically the principle, yes. Instead of meeting Leo both anxious and sexually frustrated, you were still anxious, but at least sexually satisfied. Most men don’t realize how much sexual satisfaction influences their performances, not only in bed, but in every aspect of their life.”

“I swear, if you start talking like my sociology manual I’m gonna stand up and leave,” Adam threatens him, putting down the cup and looking sternly at him, “Talk easy! Or, if you can’t, at least undress, so I can distract myself and stop listening to you.”

“Maybe later,” Blaine chuckles, drinking some more chocolate. “What I’m saying is, people generally perform better when they’re satisfied. And there’s nothing that satisfies people more than a good orgasm. It’s simple as that.”

“Okay, but,” Adam whines, “It’s not like I can keep coming here _forever_ , Blaine. We’ve gotta work on this, we’ve gotta fix it.”

“Alright, alright,” Blaine nods as he finishes his chocolate and pushes the cup aside. “Alright, let’s start with this: what’s been the worst moment of the last two weeks? The one you will always remember as the lowest point you ever touched in your life.”

Adam mutters something unintelligible in his cup, blushing furiously at the question. “Dunno…” he says then, in such a low whisper it’s amazing Blaine could even manage to catch it, “The fingering thing, I guess.”

“The what?” Blaine asks, arching his eyebrows in surprise.

“Fingering!” Adam repeats louder, frowning at him, “Why do you always have to have me repeat embarrassing things twice?!”

“Well, it’s usually very funny,” Blaine admits, “But, in this particular situation, I just didn’t get it because you were talking as if you had your mouth stuffed with dick.”

“Blaine!”

“Oh, please,” he sighs, casting an annoyed glance to the ceiling, “Spare me the iron maiden bullshit. So, what about this fingering gone wrong? Tell me more.”

Adam looks down, embarrassed, suddenly finding way more interesting to follow the outlines of the small cats and moons stamped on his still warm cup, then to actually look at Blaine as he speaks. “Well… as I told you, it kind of happened that it wouldn’t get hard, despite Leo trying. And he tried a lot.”

“Somebody should really scold that kid, though,” Blaine comments, arching an eyebrow, “I’m almost sure there’s some weird dub-con thing going on here.”

“I don’t even know what that means,” Adam says, and when Blaine opens his mouth to explain he interrupts him, “And I don’t even care. Anyway, I’m there, my dick’s completely dead and Leo looks at me as if I was trying to starve him or something… and he tells me he’s horny as hell and I should at least be considerate enough to take care of him. So, okay, I tell him, I’ll jerk you off, but I could see he wasn’t satisfied with just that. I mean, he didn’t complain right away, but he had that face he usually has when you’re giving him something and it’s not that he doesn’t like it, but he’d like something else better. You know?”

“Actually, no,” Blaine chuckles, “He never had to complain with me.”

“Well, thank you, that’s exactly what I needed to hear,” Adam pouts, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Blaine laughs, shrugging. Actually, he knows what Adam’s talking about. Leo used to have that expression darkening his pretty features every time he asked Blaine to stay around for just one more day or so, and Blaine always answered him he had to go back home. “Anyway?”

“Anyway,” Adam resumes, “I’m there, jerking him off, and I think I’m doing fine, but I just want it over ‘cause I’m not really into it and I’m thinking I should be doing my homework, and he starts to squirm. And I’m like, what the fuck got into you, and at first he didn’t wanna say, but eventually it comes out he’s really itching for something up his ass, and I’m like whoa.”

“Like whoa?” Blaine asks, blinking confusedly.

“Well, yeah, we had never done it before,” Adam nods, “I had never touched him there.”

It’s like hearing him say he had never jerked Leo off before, all over again. Seriously, sometimes nothing about Adam makes sense. Blaine gets that it can be hard, for a guy that’s supposedly been straight all his life, to suddenly have to deal with upsetting things like dicks sticking in holes that they never thought could be used like that, or fingers having to touch parts of another male body that they hadn’t ever thought they could touch on themselves either, but somebody must draw a line between not having a clue of what to do and sheer stupidity, and if that somebody must be him, then he’s going to do it as clearly as he can.

“Adam, you’re an idiot,” he says, simply as that.

“What?!” Adam instantly barks, as usual reacting way more badly than he’s supposed to, “Don’t you dare, I’m baring my soul to you and you—”

“Oh, shut up!” Blaine interrupts him, standing up, “Come on, really, Adam? I just can’t believe you. Leo can be overwhelming and hard to deal with as you want, but you’d send the sanest man off the deep end in an heartbeat! I can’t believe it never occurred to you that, being with a guy, sooner or later you’d have to at least try and do stuff to him! And you even dare to call yourself gay?”

“Actually, I don’t,” Adam frowns, annoyed at Blaine’s stern monologue.

“That was a rhetorical question, Adam,” Blaine sighs, leaning against the table and passing a hand over his face.

Adam sighs too, standing up and lightly pushing Blaine’s shoulder with his own. “You angry at me?”

“What does this question even mean, right now?” Blaine asks, casting him an almost desperate look.

“You seem angry,” Adam shrugs.

“I’m annoyed at your foolishness,” Blaine answers with the umpteenth sigh.

“Have you always been so judgmental?” Adam asks back, frowning a little, “Seriously, you’re so upsetting. Everybody who doesn’t do things your way is wrong, in your opinion.”

“Well, it’s kind of obvious, isn’t it?” Blaine tries, arching an eyebrow, “If I do things in a way, it means that I’m convinced it’s the best, so whoever does them differently…”

“Is just a different person, Blaine,” Adam finishes with a small smile. And Blaine looks away not to have to agree with him. “Anyway, I’m not saying I don’t want to do it,” Adam goes on, “I actually tried. But I made a mess, I couldn’t do it properly and he didn’t like it. At some point, he just asked me to stop and gave up on it. I swear, I had never seen him give up on sex. He didn’t even jerk off on his own, after that, he just washed his hands and cooked for an entire army for the next six hours.”

“He does that, doesn’t he?” Blaine actually chuckles, looking at Adam, “When World War 3000 3D doesn’t help.”

“It’s Zombiepocalypse Unleashed, now,” Adam chuckles too, “But yeah, it’s more or less the same thing.”

Blaine chuckles again, and then sighs, putting a hand on Adam’s nape and pulling him close to kiss him on his forehead. “Alright, my personal opinion here is,” he says, moving away and towards the bedroom, “You’ll never be able to do it properly to somebody else until you do it to yourself first.”

“I was worried that was where you were going,” Adam sighs sadly, following him, “It’d be of no use to tell you I’d prefer to lick a public restroom clean than stick fingers up my ass, am I right?”

“You’re right,” Blaine nods, dropping on his bed and kicking off his shoes before sitting more comfortably on it, “Come on, you’re telling me you’ve never been curious to understand if there actually is a reason why people would want things stuck up their asses?”

“Not in the least,” Adam answers, kicking away his sneakers too and kneeling on the bed, “And don’t make it sound as if it was crazy of me not to want it! Why would somebody want things up there, anyway?”

“Because it feels good,” Blaine answers, shrugging lightly.

“It hurts too, though,” Adam points out.

“That doesn’t seem to bother you, when you’re doing it to Leo, does it?” Blaine asks with a giggle.

“Well…” Adam hesitates, taken aback by the sudden question and finding himself not to know what to answer, “It’s… It’s different.”

“Ah, I’m sure it is,” Blaine chuckles, and then pats on the mattress right beside himself, “Come on, drop your pants.”

“You’re not touching me, are you?” Adam asks, suspicious.

“Of course not,” Blaine shakes his head, “It’d be pointless. This is an experience you have to do by yourself and for yourself. I’ll just provide distraction and useful advices, if necessity arises.”

“Funny you’d choose that word…” Adam jokes, as he awkwardly unfastens his belt and pushes his pants down, “’Cause, as you can see, nothing has arisen yet.”

“It will,” Blaine chuckles, “Do you want some help with that?” he asks.

Adam groans and drops down, hiding his face against the pillow and closing his fists around the soft, fresh cotton of Blaine’s pure white sheets. “I don’t know…” he mutters confusedly, “It’s weird.”

“Of course it is,” Blaine chuckles, “Try and move.”

Adam sighs and thrusts his hips upwards, still clinging to the sheets. A restless moan escapes his lips, but he himself doesn’t know if it’s arousal or frustration coming from lack thereof. “I don’t know,” he whines, “Why does everything have to be so complicated, with you?”

“You’re the one who’s making things complicated right now!” Blaine actually laughs, settling back against the headboard of the bed. “Alright, listen to me, right now actual arousal is completely unnecessary. I’ll tell you more, it could even be counterproductive.”

“I don’t see how that’s possible.”

“It is, because I’m telling you so,” Blaine nods, “Stop answering back to everything I say and just follow my instructions, please.”

“What are you, now, the Martha Stewart of anal manipulation?” Adam snorts, looking up only to glare at him, but finding himself unable to be angry at him anymore when he starts laughing wholeheartedly.

“You’re such a dick,” Blaine comments, wiping a small tear from the corner of his eye, “Now, shut up. First thing you need to know, nothing can be put in there without lube.”

“Oh my God!” Adam yells, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at him, “I’ve had sex with a guy, already, do you at least remember that? I don’t need to know this!”

“God, you’re so funny when you’re angry,” Blaine laughs again, getting a second pillow thrown against his face in response. “Stop doing this!” he chuckles, “You’re a child, really.”

“You’re worse than I am,” Adam snorts, watching suspiciously his every move. “What are you doing?”

“Retrieving lube,” Blaine answers, reaching out for the top drawer of his nightstand and taking a small white bottle out of it. “Here,” he says, throwing it at Adam. The bottle lands on Adam’s head and then rolls on the bed as he whines, and Blaine laughs. “Wake up, Adam, come on.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Adam growls, retrieving the bottle and looking at it as if he couldn’t make sense out of it. “So… I pour some on my fingers and…?”

“Ah, you’re a smart kid,” Blaine nods, “You figured this far, you’ll manage with the rest too.”

“Has anybody ever told you,” Adam says, opening the bottle and squirting some lube on his fingers, making a face – as he always does – when he feels its slickness against his fingertips, “That you’re the most unpleasant and annoying man in the world?”

“Somebody did,” Blaine answers with a chuckles, “Maybe you know him, his name starts with A.”

“I can’t possibly be the only person on this planet that doesn’t worship the ground beneath your feet!” Adam insists, looking up at him as he kind of nonchalantly reaches back for his own opening, bending his right leg and lifting it up against the mattress a little to expose himself better, “It’s ridiculous, there’s nothing special about you. I mean, okay, you’re kind of good-looking,” Blaine arches an eyebrow, “Okay, you’re very handsome,” Blaine’s lips curl in a mocking smile, “Okay, fine, you’re fucking gorgeous, and sexy, even if in such a wicked way you’re disturbing. You’re fine, I guess, but what’s so special about you, in the end? Nothing! You’re average!”

Blaine groans and lifts himself up on his knees, moving swiftly closer to Adam and lying down on him, pressing him against the mattress. His smell is everywhere and Adam’s brain shuts down. “I could do things to you that would make you scream louder than in porn movies, and I could do them for hours, and I’d do them so well you’d be begging for more before I even finished,” he whispers to Adam’s ear, and then rolls off him, sitting right back where he was before. Adam’s already looking at him with wide, confused eyes, his cheeks flushed, his hips awkwardly lifted off the mattress to make some room for his newborn erection. Blaine smirks. “Now you know,” he says.

Adam clears his throat and looks down. “I hate you so very much.”

“Yes,” Blaine laughs, “I know. Now, those fingers.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighs. He’s actually kind of terrified at the idea of doing this. Partly because he knows it’ll hurt – Leo likes it more than Adam suspects it’s legal, but still, whenever they’re having sex, he can read pain in his eyes the moment he thrusts inside him for the first time, no matter how he could have opened himself up and made himself slick before – and partly because it weirdly feels like giving up on something. If anything, he thinks with a certain relief, he’s doing it in front of Blaine, and not in front of Leo. So, at least, if he has to suck his pride up and also look ridiculous, it won’t be in front of the only person whose mocking laughter he wouldn’t be able to stand. “Here it goes,” he says, closing his eyes and biting down at his bottom lip.

It’s weird to touch himself like that. “How does it feel?” Blaine asks softly, and Adam lets a moan out.

“It’s… sensitive,” he answers, blushing and looking away, “I didn’t expect to feel this much.”

“It’s a very delicate place,” Blaine nods, moving a little closer, “Don’t rush it.”

“I have no intention to,” Adam whines, and then breathes deeply in, “What do I… I mean,” he swallows, “Do I just push it in or something, or…?”

“You push it in,” Blaine nods, lifting himself up on his knees and looking at it. It’s kinda weird not to feel embarrassed by knowing somebody’s watching him doing something like that from up close, but it’s also reassuring, and Adam feels like he needs reassuring things, right now. So he’s thankful for it. “Slowly, though,” Blaine goes on, “Don’t force it open. Just move your fingertip around and, when you feel the muscles relax, try to push.”

Adam complies obediently, letting a couple of moans escape his lips when his finger, moving swiftly on his skin, slick with lube, touches him in particularly sensitive spots. “I could go on with just this, though,” he tries, looking back at Blaine with lucid, heavy-lidded eyes, “It’s not half bad.”

“Oh, come on,” Blaine dares him with a dirty smirk, “Don’t be a pussy, now.”

“I’m not a pussy,” Adam frowns, his lips instantly curling in a pout.

“Really, aren’t you?” Blaine mocks, arching an eyebrow.

“I’m not a pussy!” Adam repeats, “Seriously, if to convince you I have to shove this fucking finger up my ass, I’ll shove it so deep it’ll come out of my mouth!”

“Please!” Blaine laughs so hard he actually has to bend in half, one hand over his stomach, “Oh, God! Stop, I don’t want any of that,” he lies down next to Adam, on his stomach just like he’s doing, his shoulder rubbing against Adam’s with their every breath. “Come on, do it,” he says, smiling sweetly at him, “I’m right here.”

It feels like exactly what Adam wanted to hear. And when he finally does it, when he pushes his finger in deep, when he follows Blaine’s orders and curls it, and things happen inside of him, and shocks of pleasure run through his whole body in the most unexpected way, everything, for the first time, feels so right Adam can’t help but think that whatever happened, whatever’s happening and whatever will happen in the future, as weird and wicked and awkward as it might be, was, is and will be just exactly as it’s supposed to.

It’s comforting. And Blaine’s right there. Nothing can possibly go wrong.


	9. 9. “Is everything alright?”

“Well, that’s unexpected,” Blaine grins, as Adam’s lips curl into an awkward, kind of embarrassed smile, “Except it’s not. Even though I distinctly recall us planning on let a few days pass between our last meeting and the next.”

“I let some days pass,” Adam shrugs.

“What, one and a half?” Blaine retorts with an amused laughter, “How come you’re here so soon?”

“Dunno,” Adam shrugs again, trying to look past Blaine’s shoulders, “Why aren’t you letting me in? Are you with somebody?”

“Would it surprise you if I was?”

“Kind of, yeah,” Adam answers honestly, and then clears his throat, “Because it’s ten in the morning, I mean. You’re not supposed to have people over to fuck at ten in the morning, are you?”

“Well, maybe I got one clubbing yesterday night and he decided to stay for breakfast,” Blaine grins, still keeping both his hands on either sides of the doorframe, “You still haven’t answered my question, anyway.”

“What question?” Adam tries to stall for time, lifting himself up on his tiptoes to take another peek at Blaine’s apartment.

“Why are you here?” Blaine laughs, leaving the doorframe only to put both his hands on Adam’s shoulders, pushing him back with his feet on the ground. “Stop acting like a child and tell me. Is something wrong?”

“What now, can’t I come and visit a friend just for the sake of it, every now and then?” Adam frowns, pouting.

“Oh, God,” Blaine casts a playfully resigned look at the ceiling, shaking his head, “Alright, you want to have it the hard way, this time. I got it. Let’s waste the rest of both our day with random chit-chat and set phrases. Please,” he adds, moving from the door so to let Adam in, “Do come in, make yourself comfortable and let’s just talk about the weather and how unexpectedly cold it is despite the forthcoming summer, until you feel we’ve had enough casual talking that you can go on and tell me what happened with Leo that prompted you to come back so soon.”

“I really don’t like your attitude,” Adam snorts, still pouting as he walks in and, actually relieved not to find somebody else walking around the house naked, drops on the couch, crossing his legs on the coffee table right in front of it, “Every time I come here, you make me feel as if I was whoring around. You’re always like _oh, how come you’re here at such time, Adam?_ ” he complains, mimicking Blaine’s voice, “And _oh, how come you’re back so soon, Adam?_ Should I expect you to start charging me for your time soon?”

“My God, something horrible must have happened,” Blaine chuckles, sitting next to him and patting him on his knees to have him put his feet off the table, “For you to be in such a bad mood.”

“Nothing happened!” Adam almost yells, complying but also deciding to stand up and pace nervously around the couch, “God, you’re unnerving.”

Blaine frowns confusedly, turning around to watch him as he frets, apparently without a reason. “Adam?” he calls him, arching an eyebrow as he stands up too, “Is everything alright?”

“I was just fine before you tried your best to make it impossible for me to be in a good mood anymore,” Adam glares at him, finally stopping and crossing his arms on his chest, “For once, I don’t come here because I want something out of you but just because I wanna chill and hang out with you for a few hours, maybe have some fucking brunch or something, and that’s how you treat me? For Christ’s sake, since I’m not paying you, and you’re not a fucking employee and I’m not your fucking boss, do you think it’s possible for us to have— I don’t know, just _one_ time in which our interaction doesn’t have to be weird and freaky as shit?!”

“Adam!” Blaine tries and stop the waterfalls from wrecking the banks, “My God! You’re hysterical,” he walks towards him and puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing a little, “Calm down, please. I was just joking. I’m happy to see you and I’m happy to know everything’s fine. I just thought, since two days ago we agreed—”

“I didn’t agree to anything,” Adam frowns, backing off as if Blaine’s hand was on fire, “You just told me you thought it’d be better if we started seeing each other less.”

“Well, I still do,” Blaine nods, not even trying to get close to him again, since Adam’s reaction already told him more than enough to understand it’d be of no use, “We’ve been seeing each other for almost two months, at this point. I’ve taught you everything I knew, now it’s time for you to learn how to stand on your own two feet, and you need to do it far from me. It’s just reasonable.”

“It’s reasonable _for you_ ,” Adam spits out, looking away, “You just wanted some free time on your own so you could go clubbing and fucking around again as you did before me, didn’t you?”

Blaine frowns, backing off too, taken aback by this. He wasn’t expecting the question, especially considering after last time Adam came they actually spent a couple of hours talking about this, and in that occasion Adam had shown no sign of having taken it so badly. “Now, what’s this supposed to mean?” he asks, confused, “Am I not free to do what I prefer in my free time?”

“Yeah! Sure!” Adam growls, turning around and walking away from him, “Who asked you not to? Go out and fuck everything that moves as you always liked! You did it when you were with Leo, after all, why wouldn’t you do it now that you’re free as a bird?”

“Leo and I had an agreement,” Blaine follows him, trying to talk in a low, calm voice, because somebody has to and that’s never going to be Adam, “And, frankly, I don’t see how is that any of your business. It wasn’t back then, it certainly isn’t now.”

“Sure, it’s never my business,” Adam turns around to glare at him. What Blaine sees in his eyes worries him and upsets him at the same time.

“Adam, I’m not following,” he admits with a sigh, “First you come here after we decided not to see each other for some days, then, when I remind you, you get angry at me. I tell you I was joking and you literally lash out and start talking about fucking around and Leo… I mean, this makes no sense. If nothing happened and you just wanted to spend some time with me, you’re doing it wrong.”

“Yeah, ‘cause, never forget, I’m always the one who does things wrong,” Adam snorts, looking away again, his eyes dark with rage, “I can’t do a damn thing straight, apparently.”

Blaine frowns again, trying to get closer to him. “Does this have something to do with Leo? Something went wrong and—”

“God, could you stop making everything about Leo?!” Adam turns around only to push him away, and then walks a few steps far from him, “This has nothing to do with Leo! He’s perfectly fine! We’re perfectly fine! Stop talking about him!”

“Alright!” Blaine lifts both his hands in surrender, taking a step back, “Alright, I won’t talk about him anymore. Listen, I don’t want to fight and, frankly, this is all more than ridiculous already, so… please, sit down. Do you want some coffee?”

Adam looks at him for the longest time, and then sighs tiredly. Blaine watches him walk back to the couch and sit down, before looking at him with half a weary smile. “D’you think I need one?” he asks.

Blaine laughs a bit, sitting next to him. “Actually, I don’t, you’re right. I’ve got some ice cream, though.”

“I shouldn’t… I’ve gotta keep in shape, we’ve got a match on Sunday,” Adam looks down at his stomach, but he sounds tempted.

“Come on,” Blaine smirks, “It’s vanilla chocolate chip. You know you want it.”

“Stop it,” Adam laughs, and then relaxes against the back of the couch, “’Kay. Go get it.”

Blaine pretends not to notice the weird sweetness in Adam’s smile as he gets up and walks to the kitchen to retrieve the ice cream and a couple of spoons. When he walks back to the sitting room, Adam’s still where he left him, and he looks better than he did before. The dark, threatening shade in his eyes is long gone, and he’s smiling calmly at himself, checking his phone while he waits for him to return.

“Here,” he says, sitting down on the couch and opening the can. Adam smiles at him and thanks him when he gives him one of the spoons, and Blaine watches him as he dips it in the ice cream and eats some, savoring it like a happy child. “Better?” he asks him with a small laughter.

“Yeah, I suppose there’s nothing ice cream can’t cure,” Adam chuckles, shrugging lightly, “I’m sorry I threw a fit. I was in a mood.”

“I noticed,” Blaine giggles, taking a spoonful of ice cream too, “I don’t want to make you angry again, but… care to tell me what actually happened?”

“I didn’t lie about that, you know?” Adam sighs, moving a little closer on the couch, his shoulder now brushing against Blaine’s with every breath he takes, “Nothing _actually happened_. It’s just…” he shrugs and looks away. He’s reluctant to talk, it’s clear in the way he keeps avoiding Blaine’s eyes, so maybe nothing happened but there’s still something wrong. “I don’t know. It’s kind of a mess.”

“I got that,” Blaine nods, “Try and tell me in your own words.”

“I’m not stupid, y’know?” Adam glares at him, his lips curling in an annoyed pout, “I don’t need to use _my own words_ , I speak English like you and everybody else, thank you very much.”

“Adam, please,” Blaine chuckles and leans in to kiss him lightly on his lips to shut him up instantly, expecting Adam to instantly get angry at him and punch him in the face, which would at least make him stop being so whiny and pouty – two things that, as cute as they might look on him, tend to be really annoying after a while.

None of this happens, though, and there’s a tiny voice in the back of Blaine’s head that keeps telling him he should notice these details and make something out of them, but he ignores it. Adam’s lips taste like sugar, milk, vanilla and chocolate. Somehow, for a couple of seconds, that’s all he can possibly think about.

“Okay,” Adam sighs, settling back on the couch, “The thing is— I don’t know. We kind of… switched off.”

“You did what?” Blaine asks, bewildered, reaching out for another spoonful of ice cream.

“We switched off,” Adam repeats, “Me and Leo.”

“What, all of a sudden?” Blaine asks, suspiciously.

“Nah,” Adam sighs, looking away in embarrassment, “It kind of happened gradually. We’ve been having sex and it’s been good, like, actually better than it’s ever been, even though that’s not much to say, since it sucked before,” he adds with a small chuckles that echoes with Blaine’s. “But… I don’t know. Maybe I was expecting too much, maybe it’s just normal, but I thought…” he looks up at Blaine and then quickly looks away, “I thought that, when I was able to catch up with Leo, then there’d be fireworks.”

“And… I guess there weren’t?” Blaine inquires with a small, understanding smile.

Adam shakes his head kind of sadly, sighing deeply. His features look more serene, now that he managed to take this weight off his shoulders, though, and Blaine can’t help the tender smile that surfaces on his lips, curling them upwards, when he sees him suddenly look so much smaller and innocent than he usually does.

“Alright… listen, it’s very possible the main problem here is that you were expecting too much,” he tries and reassure him, patting his hand on his shoulder, “Sex doesn’t always blow like a bomb or something. Sometimes it’s just quiet, it’s just alright, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.”

“Yeah, listen, I don’t need to hear that,” Adam frowns, “It’s stupid, I don’t need that. I’m not an idiot. I know sex was never _just fine_ when you two were together, it was _mind-blowing_ , every single time. I know it, I was there. And…” he swallows and looks down at the ice cream as he plays with it with the tip of his spoon, “Every time I came here in the last two months, and I had an orgasm… it wasn’t _just fine_. It was fucking amazing. So don’t give me any of that pampering bullshit. If you taught me something, it’s the exact opposite. Sex should be awesome every time, every time in its own way, okay, but still awesome. And that’s just plain not happening. I’m starting to doubt it ever did, or ever will.”

“Now, now,” Blaine chuckles, patting Adam’s shoulder again, “Don’t be a drama queen. I’m proud of you, you’ve come incredibly far on the road to become an incredibly convincing imitation of homosexual, but there’s no need to put your sparkling dress and your eight inches stilettos and a blond curly wig on.”

“Stop mocking me,” Adam pouts, lightly elbowing him in his ribs, “I hate you.”

He says it like he means the exact opposite. Blaine’s brain records it unconsciously, even though he’s not aware of it. He’s heard him said in the same way from Leo, under very similar circumstances. He should probably worry about this too, but Adam’s sweet, sweeter than he’s ever been since they started with this dangerous game, and Blaine feels good enough not to want this warm, cozy feeling gone.

“I’m sorry,” he answers, “I didn’t mean to. Listen, I know what would make you feel better,” he tries, smiling a little brightly and clapping his hands.

“You do?” Adam asks, looking up at him as he was descending straight from heaven to bless him with a miracle.

“Yes,” Blaine nods, and stands up. “You know what I do every time I’m particularly nervous about some performance? I sing on my own. I sing and sing for days and bask in the sweet sound of my lovely voice enough to be sure of how good I am again.”

“You can’t help to brag, can you?” Adam laughs, curling a little on the couch.

“Shut up,” Blaine smiles, reaching out for him and dragging him up, “We’re going to do the same for you now.”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t carry a tune if my life depended on it,” Adam chuckles, pretending to follow him around unwillingly but actually rushing to catch up with Blaine as he leads him to the bedroom.

“Don’t be silly,” Blaine laughs, “I won’t ask you to sing, it’s not your voice you’re insecure about.”

“We’re still not gonna fuck,” Adam clarifies, but his smirk is not nearly as threatening as the frown he used to wear when saying the same thing up until just a few weeks ago. “We still have rules.”

“We do, yes,” Blaine nods and smiles, “But we’re going to find a way around them, to help you once and for all.”

“A way around them?” Adam asks, frowning a bit but still unable to conceal the little spark of hope that burns in his eyes when he hears that.

“Leave it to me,” Blaine smirks, letting him go and climbing on the bed, “Don’t you trust me?”

“Not in the least,” Adam shakes his head, but he’s chuckling in amusement and childish excitement.

Something tells Blaine he should stop, that what he wants to do would push this too far, but the way he’s seen Adam react has convinced him he’ll never be able to make him able to stand on his own if he doesn’t force him. Sometimes, kids must be pushed, he thinks with a light smile as he takes off his t-shirt and throws it carelessly on the floor, thinking about years ago, when the kid he needed to push was someone else.

“Come here,” he says, inviting.

Adam moistens his lips, his eyes alight, unable to wipe that curious, excited smirk off his face. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“Nothing,” Blaine chuckles, “But you are. Come on,” he says, and then unbuttons his jeans and sits down on the bed, pulling them down his thighs and then off on the floor where the t-shirt already lies still.

“I’m not sure I should be doing this,” Adam giggles a little nervously as he climbs on the bed too and kneels closer, his fingers anxiously tugging at the hem of his own t-shirt as if he was uncertain on what to do with it, if he should take it off or keep it on.

“That makes two of us,” Blaine answers with a vague smile. Then he takes off his underpants, and Adam swallows.

“What do I have to do?” he asks, his eyes dropping at Blaine’s crotch. Something in his expression changes quickly, he’s concentrated, now, focused on his task.

“Bottom drawer in my nightstand,” Blaine says, gesturing towards it as he turns on his stomach, settling his pillow under his chest to keep himself up and lie in the right position, “There’s something inside it— you’ll know when you see it. It’s clean, so don’t make a fuss. Take it.”

Adam blinks a couple of times, confused by all the mystery. Then he takes his t-shirt off and sits on the edge of the bed, leaning in to open the drawer. He actually laughs as he fetches a dildo from it, holding it up between two fingers. “Seriously?” he asks, and there’s uncertainty in his eyes, but also curiosity, together with a little bit of fear, “You want me to use this?”

“I have no idea how you fuck,” Blaine chuckles, shrugging a bit, “I can’t find out first hand, but you can fuck me with that. Then, I’ll know.”

“Shut up!” Adam laughs again, throwing the dildo on the bed and standing up to kneel on the mattress again, “You can’t be serious,” he tries, but Blaine arches an eyebrow and his smile widens a bit. “But you are,” he actually finishes, swallowing uneasily, “I’m not sure.”

“Listen,” Blaine says, “I certainly am not going to force you. Do it, if you want to. I don’t mind, if it can help you. Besides, it’s not that different from what we have already done, so I guess the choice is yours. If you’re not up for it, we’ll call it quits and it’ll be like it never happened, I promise.”

Adam looks at him for the longest time, his face unreadable, his eyes clearly troubled, even if Blaine can’t exactly tell by what. He watches him as he crawls towards him, almost crouching on the bed next to him to look at him in his eyes. “You’re crazy,” he whispers, “I mean, it must be a medical condition. The way you are… it’s unbelievable.”

“You think so?” Blaine chuckles a bit, tilting his head. He’s flirting, and he knows it. It shouldn’t, but it’s making him feel good. 

“I do,” Adam nods, and there’s something different in his voice and in his eyes, in the way his fingers touch Blaine’s skin when he dares to reach out to stroke his shoulder and his back down along his spine. “You must be, like, an alien from outer space. You don’t live by our common rules. I don’t know if you’re awesome or just a dickhead.”

“I can be both,” Blaine laughs, “You certainly are.”

“I’m not a dickhead,” Adam frowns. Blaine laughs and Adam laughs too. “’Kay, maybe a bit.”

“Maybe,” Blaine laughs again and then sighs, laying his head on the pillow. “So. Should I put my clothes back on?”

Adam doesn’t answer to that. He reaches out for the first drawer, fetching the lube, and then grabs the dildo. Blaine understands he won’t need clothes anytime soon, and parts his legs, settling as comfortably as he can under Adam when he moves on top of him, pushing his knee up between his thighs to have him spread them some more.

Blaine closes his eyes, relaxing peacefully as he hears the familiar sound of the bottle’s plastic cap popping open, and the equally familiar one of the lube as it gets squirted on Adam’s fingers. He pushes his hips up a little to expose himself as he hears Adam’s breath become labored and uneven, his fingers quickly smearing the lube all around his opening. He can’t help but moan a bit as he feels one of them pushing against it, asking for permission to enter his body. 

He couldn’t deny it, and he doesn’t.

“Am I doing well?” Adam asks, nervously, as he slowly pushes and pulls his index finger in and out of him, curling it every now and then to make room inside of Blaine’s body.

“Yes,” Blaine whispers, moistening his lips as his hips follow the movements of Adam’s hands, “You’re doing fine.”

“Just _fine_?” he asks with a small laughter, and Blaine laughs too.

“You’re doing great,” he reassures him, “Go on. I like it.”

Adam doesn’t answer, but Blaine’s words affect him, it’s clear in the way he moves right after hearing them. He’s more confident, his long fingers move faster, more easily. He plays as much as he learned on himself it was possible to do, and Blaine enjoys each and every second of it, and he makes sure Adam knows by expressing his pleasure with moans and heavy pants.

Adam shakes and shivers, every now and then, and Blaine knows he’s hard, now. He can feel his cock pressed against his ass and he’d scream to have it pushed in this very moment, but even in his state he knows he can’t. So he just fidgets under Adam’s body, hoping he’ll get the message, and Adam does.

He pours some lube on the dildo and rubs it against Blaine’s opening a couple of times, pushing just the head in and then pulling it out and chuckling whenever Blaine moans turn disappointed every time.

“Adam, go for it,” he finally growls, pushing his ass down right on the dildo and managing to get it inside himself for a couple of inches. He welcomes the much expected presence with a liquid moan that makes Adam’s hips jerk upwards, and he moans again when he feels the hot flesh of Adam’s cock rub against his buttock. “Don’t stop,” he whispers.

“I couldn’t if the roof fell on me,” Adam hisses, as he bites down at Blaine’s neck in a sudden fit of hunger, his hips moving quickly, his hand naturally following the movement as the dildo swiftly disappears into Blaine’s body, emerging right after only to dive into him again the next moment.

It’s already pleasant enough for Blaine to have to hide his face against the pillow and muffle his moans so that his voice doesn’t rise too much, but when Adam’s free hand closes around his length, stroking him quickly, accordingly to his own thrusts and to the movements of the dildo inside his body, it starts to get too much to be handled anymore. 

Blaine lifts his face from the pillow and closes his hands in fists around the sheets, tugging them violently with each and every thrusts until he tears them off their corners. Adam lets out a deep, confused moan as he licks and kisses and bites the curve of Blaine’s neck messily, as if he had no idea what to do or how to do it – something that might just as well be true –, and Blaine tilts his head, exposing his neck more and biting at his own bottom lip as he tries to keep himself together, hoping to at least keep his pride intact. But just when he’s thinking whether he could or couldn’t maybe keep Adam as a puppy, perhaps store him in the closet and take him out during particularly cold and lonely nights like he does with the old blue wool blanket he used to sleep with when he was a kid, Adam lets out a deep, whiny noise and comes all over his back, and the warm, sticky feeling of his come as it drips down his spine and between his buttocks is enough, by itself, to push Blaine over the edge, forcing him to come with an almost desperate noise that escapes his throat despite how hard Blaine tries to keep it down.

Adam’s the first to recover, and also the first to roll away when he’s able to move. He lies down on his back, his eyes half-closed but stubbornly glued to the ceiling as he breathes quickly in and out, his chest moving accordingly, both his arms and legs spread on the mattress.

Blaine chuckles, looking at him. He looks so helpless, so much like a kid. He didn’t use to look like this when he actually _was_ a kid, and it’s kind of ironic that he would drop all his defenses and look like one now that they shouldn’t even be here together.

Adam turns to look at him and frowns, annoyed. “I swear, if you start mocking me now, I’m gonna cut you open and use your entrails to hang you.”

“I have no intention to,” Blaine chuckles again, “You just looked cute, and it was funny. But, other than that, I can assure you there’s _nothing_ you deserve to be mocked about.”

Adam passes a hand through his hair, moving them away from his eyes and his sweaty forehead. “What d’you mean?”

“That you’re a great lover, Adam,” he smiles encouragingly, lifting himself up on his elbows, “Seriously, there’s nothing, nothing wrong with the way you have sex. You’re a bit rough and messy, that much is true, but that’s just you. You _are_ rough and messy, but also very dedicate and, though you may not be a fast learner, you sure put yourself into it a lot. And that’s amazing.”

Adam blinks a couple of times, staring at him and holding his breath. Blaine can almost see him blushing, for a moment, but he’s not sure about it, because Adam’s incredibly quick to move forward, closer to him, and press his lips against him in a small, chaste kiss.

Blaine chuckles, pulling back and playfully keeping him away by pressing his index finger against Adam’s forehead. “Now, now, don’t get romantic with me, Walker,” he jokes, “What just happened should reassure you about your performances: there’s nothing wrong with them, I liked it a lot!, so I’m sure you and Leo just need a little bit of time to, you know, set in. Eventually, you’ll settle, and you’ll see, at that point everything will be—” Adam leans in again, forcing him close and kissing him once more, this time deeply, grabbing him by his hips and holding him still as his tongue searches for Blaine’s in quick, hungry strokes, “—just perfect,” Blaine exhales breathlessly when Adam lets him free to. Then he swallows, looking up at him and finding two brown, dark and confused eyes staring back at him in a desperate, silent request. “Adam,” he says, swallowing hard, “Please, move away.”

“But why?” Adam insists, trying to keep him close despite all the effort Blaine puts into moving away from him as gently and kindly, but at the same time as quickly and firmly, as he can, “Wasn’t it good? You told me you liked it! Blaine, I liked it a lot. I like it a lot every time I come here.”

“Adam, please, don’t,” Blaine shakes his head, climbing off the bed and retrieving his pants, putting them on without an hesitation.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Adam stands up too, and puts a hand on Blaine’s shoulder as if trying to stop him, “It’s not working as it should, with Leo.”

“As it should?” Blaine turns around and gives him an ironic, cold look, that is more than enough to push Adam away as efficiently as nothing else could, “What do you even mean with that, Adam? As it _should_? Let me be the one who breaks it down for you, Adam: nothing ever in the world goes _as it should_. Doesn’t matter how many hours and days and months or even years you spend fantasizing about things, when they happen, they do it as they do, and there’s no other way they could have ever happened, and you need to accept this, and do it fast, before you ruin your life with your own hands.”

For a moment, Adam looks so stunned he doesn’t even seem to be able to breathe properly. He stands there, suddenly aware of his own embarrassing nakedness but without any strength left to even pick up his clothes from the floor, and covers himself with his hands, looking right at Blaine as if hoping to hear him say he was just joking. “But, Blaine—” he tries, but he doesn’t let him finish.

“Now I get where all this has been going since you arrived,” he says, a sad, disappointed grin twisting the plump curve of his lips, “You wanting to _hang out_ with me, whining about things not being fine enough with Leo. You’ve lived on a fantasy for years, and now that you’ve got the real thing it’s suddenly not enough. Well, tough shit, Adam. You’re not going to use me to ease yourself out of your unsatisfying relationship with your boyfriend, if that’s what it is.”

Adam suddenly looks down, his eyes growing darker as he hugs himself, pressing his fingers so hard against his skin to leave white spots on it. “You were fine letting me use you to get better at sex, though.”

“That was supposed to _help you_ with you boyfriend, not to break you up!” Blaine answers, raising his voice in irritation against Adam’s stubborn refusal to understand.

“But I feel so good with you!” Adam looks up at him again, moving a step closer, “I can’t help but think that maybe it’s you and I who’s supposed to—”

“We’re not,” Blaine denies categorically, shaking his head and putting his t-shirt back on, “We’re completely not, Adam. I realize I may have given you some mixed signals, but—”

“ _Some_ mixed signals?” Adam replies angrily, his eyes quickly filling with rage, “Try with you poured an entire fucking ocean of them on my fucking head, that’d be more accurate!”

“Still,” Blaine reprises, looking at him straight in his eyes, serious, calm, definitive, “I’m not in love with you, and I don’t want to be your boyfriend. More importantly, Adam,” he adds with a small apologetic smile, “You’re not in love with me, and you don’t want to be my boyfriend.”

“Don’t you dare,” Adam growls, finally regaining his strengths altogether and bending over to retrieve his pants and his tee, “Don’t you fucking dare telling me how I feel, because you know nothing and—”

“But I do,” Blaine smiles again, trying his best not to get closer and pull Adam into a comforting hug as he would like to. As much as he would, he also knows it’d only be counterproductive. Right now, the only sensible thing to do is try and get the kid out of this house as soon as possible. “I do know how you feel, Adam. Right now, I’m an easy way out, somebody you’ve been barely knowing for just a few weeks and that hasn’t given you anything more than a few orgasms. You’ve been in love with Leo all your life, you’ve fantasized about him, you’ve fantasized about how it would be to finally be his boyfriend. You had a whole movie playing in your head, but when you actually got into the theater the lights were all wrong, the characters didn’t have the right faces, all the accents were fucked up and the costumes were a mess, but you’re focusing on the details, and ignoring that the main plot is still exactly what you wanted it to be.”

Adam presses his t-shirt against his chest, his whole body trembling, tears of rage stinging in his eyes. He’s not gonna cry, he tells himself. He’s not gonna cry, he’s not gonna give this away. “You don’t understand,” he says, his voice shaking, “You’re wrong.”

“Let’s make a bet, then,” Blaine says, still smiling as reassuringly as he can, “The next time I happen to see you, like, casually meeting you on the street or something, if I was right and you and Leo are still happy together, you’ll buy me a beer.”

“And what if you’re wrong and I’m right?” Adam raises his eyes on Blaine’s again, “What if we broke up and I’m miserable?”

Blaine smiles again, trying not to chuckle tenderly. “Then I’ll give you a chance to prove me you’d be better off with me,” he says.

Somehow, this seems to pacify him.


	10. 10. “Need a place to sit?”

It’s been three years, already – it’s a sudden, almost amusing realization that comes to Blaine’s mind in a flash when he lays eyes on Adam’s tall and muscular frame as he walks inside Starbucks with a fancy white paper bag with silver handles held firmly in his hand and a satisfied expression on his face, a serene smile curling his lips upwards. 

“Tall Vanilla Latte, please,” Adam says, leaning a bit over the counter as he reaches out to get his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans, “Walker.”

Blaine watches him move away from the crowd and looking around for a free spot where to sit as he waits for his order to be ready, and a small smile appears on his lips as he lifts an arm in the air, waving it a little to catch his attention.

Adam notices him instantly, and Blaine’s equally fast in noticing how his cheeks turn red under the short beard covering them. “Need a place to sit?” he asks, nodding towards the free chair at the table he’s occupying while sipping at his coffee.

“Hey,” Adam says, awkwardly sitting down and looking nervously around, as if he was scared to be seen with him, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Blaine answers with a small chuckle, putting his cup down and crossing his legs, “It’s nice to see you.”

“Yes!” Adam says, almost too enthusiastically, “Yes, of course,” he clears his throat, “God, I’m acting like an asshole. I’m sorry, it’s just that I didn’t expect to see you and you kind of caught me by surprise.”

“I can see that,” Blaine chuckles again, and then nods towards the bag, “Out shopping?”

“Uh?” Adam asks, following his eyes and then looking at the bag as if he had never seen it before, “Ah. Yeah, it’s a present. For Leo, you know.”

“His birthday’s in two days,” Blaine nods, “Is he doing fine?”

“Yeah! Yeah, great, of course,” Adam nods, “He’s fine. We both are, actually.”

Blaine can’t help but chuckle, tilting his head and arching an eyebrow. “Are you going to say it, or should I?”

Adam frowns a little, unsure on what Blaine could be talking about, and then frowns even more when he finally gets it. “You’re still the most unpleasant man I’ve ever met, I see.”

“Oh, come on,” Blaine chuckles again, reaching for his cup and drinking some more coffee, “Say it.”

“Okay, okay!” Adam snorts, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away, “You were right. We worked it out.”

“How surprising,” Blaine laughs, actually sounding not surprised at all.

“Shut up,” Adam growls, grabbing a paper napkin and rolling it up in a ball before throwing it at him. Blaine laughs, catching it and throwing it into the bin nearby. Adam looks at him and chuckles faintly, resting against the back of the chair and relaxing a bit. “You have no idea how embarrassed I am.”

“Really?” Blaine looks back at him, puzzled, “About what?”

“You have to ask that?” Adam laughs, “About the last time we met, of course.”

“Ah, don’t even think about it!” Blaine shakes his head, smiling warmly, “You shouldn’t be embarrassed about that. You were stressed and confused, whatever you said and whatever you did was because you couldn’t help it. I personally haven’t thought about it once since after you went away, so you should forget about it too.”

Adam quickly looks down at his hands resting on the table, a small, sweet and embarrassed smile lingering on his lips. “I thought about it a lot, since then,” he says, “The first couple of weeks weren’t easy, you know?”

“I can imagine,” Blaine nods, smiling too.

“No, I don’t think you can,” Adam chuckles uneasily, scratching his cheek, “I was really very sure about what I told you. I was, like, completely convinced I was right and you were wrong, that you were making a mistake and… I kind of missed you. A lot. At first,” he clears his throat, looking anywhere but him.

“It happens, Adam,” Blaine reaches out for his hand, patting its back as if trying to comfort him, “You don’t have to feel ashamed about it. We’ve all been confused and we all know what it means to feel lost and cling to the first thing we find just to try and keep ourselves from drowning. It’s alright.”

“Yeah,” Adam sighs nervously, though he’s still smiling, “I know. But it troubles me that I never thanked you properly. You’ve been more than kind to me, you’ve been patient and you respected me. Even when I made it hard for you to do so. So thank you— even if I realize it might be too late to tell you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Blaine smiles, “It’s not too late, but you didn’t have to. I’m just happy you and Leo are still together and everything’s fine between the two of you.”

Adam nods and smiles, looking up at him for a moment and then looking back at the counter to see if his order is on its way. Doesn’t seem like it is, and he turns back at Blaine, swallowing hard. “Um, how are you, then?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” Blaine chuckles.

“You seeing someone?”

“Not really,” Blaine shakes his head, “But then, you know me. I’m a free soul.”

“Can’t be tamed,” Adam laughs a little, looking down at his hands, “And are you happy?”

“I’m fine, Adam,” Blaine smiles, searching for his eyes, “Don’t worry.”

Adam looks at him and swallows, biting at his bottom lip. “You… didn’t happen to miss me too, did you?”

Blaine’s smile widens a little, and this time it’s his turn to look away. “Dangerous question,” he answers.

Adam holds his breath for a while. “I’d still like to know the answer.”

Blaine’s eyes are back on him instantly, and there’s no way Adam can read them now. They’re dark and full of regret and melancholy, but he has no idea who’s the subject of all this, because somehow he doesn’t think himself important enough to be the cause of all this, but somehow he doesn’t think it’s just Leo either. Must be a combination of things, must be time and memories and love lost and nostalgia.

He suddenly knows why Blaine wasn’t able to stay with Leo or him either. It’s got nothing to do with them, and everything to do with him. With this impossible man that never stops loving and caring for you, but that, at the same time, cuts every tie and disappears when he understands or decides it’s over.

They were over the moment he walked out of Blaine’s house. Just like Blaine and Leo were over the moment Blaine went away.

But still, this man with deep, enticing eyes, this man unshackled, this man alone, this man loves Leo. And could have loved him.

“I missed you too,” Blaine says in a soft whisper.

It’s moments, or maybe minutes, Adam doesn’t know, but they’re in the restroom, pressed against each other in the limited, small space, fumbling with each other’s pants, hungry hands prying and stroking as hungry lips bite and kiss and hungry eyes shine with curiosity and amusement. “Just once,” Adam says, chuckling like a kid and feeling like one too, “To the good old days.”

They both laugh at the silliness of the situation, as they finally manage to get their hands on each other’s bodies, stroking themselves together as they actually never did before. They’re doing it – and that’s clear to them both – only because it’s meaningless, only because it’s over, and only because it’s never going to happen again. It’s the goodbye they’ve both been missing, and it’s Adam paying back Blaine for everything he gave him and for winning the bet.

There’s not going to be any beer bought, and this time it’s almost sure they’re never going to see each other ever again, but Adam doesn’t feel bad about it as he did that afternoon, when walking out of Blaine’s home and into his and Leo’s seemed like willingly leaving heaven for the worst circle of hell. 

He’s happy. He’s at peace. Blaine was right about everything, and it feels good to let it go.

They come as quietly as they can, terrified that somebody could hear them but at the same time not giving a damn if anybody happens to. Then they laughs, and they kiss, and they tidy up their clothes and walk out of the bathroom, still chuckling every now and then as they pretend nothing happened and wash their hands, before walking out of the restroom.

Somebody’s calling Adam’s last name, when he steps back into the hall, and he turns to look at Blaine, smiling apologetically. “That must be my order,” he says, “I’ve gotta go.”

Blaine nods, looking at him. “Take care,” he says.

He doesn’t say of whom, but Adam knows he means them both.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [It's Never Dark Enough When You Don't Wanna See](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4038763) by [lisachan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisachan/pseuds/lisachan)




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